Yeah...you were in the same M, and you didn't cheat....
Some thoughts and opinions:
To R, you need to heal yourself. Your W needs to heal herself. Together you heal your M.
Your healing is mainly working through the feelings that usually come with being betrayed - grief, rage, fear. Part of your healing is to find yourself again and to realize the WS has to win the BS back. R requires a big commitment from the WS, and she's got to really want it for herself. If you lure her back and hook her, she is very likely to resent it when she notices she's been hooked - and that may cause her to put you through hell again.
Her healing is to find remorse, gain empathy, and change herself from a betrayer into a person who won't betray anyone again. Her path is harder by far than yours, IMO - she's got to face her own fears about herself, and those fears are backed up by her failing as a W and as a human being.
The first steps for the WS, after committing to R, include 'going NC' - no contact with her ap. The theory is the ap is like a drug, and the 'love' - though how anything based on lies and secrecy can be called 'love' I can't understand - is an addictive high. Without NC, R isn't likely to succeed. (It sometimes works if C is limited to business, business contact is necessary.)
She has to answer your questions honestly. She has to keep you informed of her whereabouts and companions basically 24 X 7. IMO, she needs IC. You'll probably need MC at some point, and not for a short time.
My advice to you is to watch her for several months. Commit to working on your M but not to R. If she acts consistently like she's in R, she'll rebuild some trust in you. The more you trust her, the more you can commit to R.
It's hard work, but if you both do the work, it's worth it.
[This message edited by sisoon at 10:50 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]