You sound like you're in a lot better place than I was, but I would still expect a lot of internal volatility.
I think what you're experiencing is pretty much normal. Very unpleasant, but normal.
And then other days, I couldn't imagine leaving.
It sure is a roller-coaster, and its definitely not fun.
Together 9 years
DDay: June 24, 2013
It took me a while to get past that and to truly let down some of the walls, but i did get there.
Married 15 years, together 18. Two kids together, boys age 11 and 12.
I never knew that something could be this painful and not kill you.
I'll be 5 years out on April 6th. Eventually you will let it go. I won't say things will ever go back to how you felt pre-A, but you do let it go. I can go days, weeks, even months without thinking about it. My husband did everything right from day one and we did rebuild, but I am forever changed.
I think what you are feeling is normal. Hang in there. hugs to you.
That's just me, but be prepared for lots of ups and downs. It's normal.