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What does this mean?

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deena04 posted 1/28/2014 10:04 AM

Basically, we have been getting along good and he is doing everything right. I feel stronger and able to deal with this (most times). I still have my moments of despair and "why is this happening/how could he". He is doing everything right, answers questions to the point I don't ask as many anymore, transparency and then some, etc... . He has cried and truly seems remorseful. My question is: the stronger I get, the less I give a crap about him. I love him and want this to work, but I just don't know if I can EVER, EVER let it go. Is it me not R or is it normal to feel this way?

sisoon posted 1/28/2014 12:11 PM

2 months out I was still in shock. My head went every which way with pros and cons and cons and pros, my heart went every which way between grief and anger and anger and grief, my gut was just stumped and scared.

You sound like you're in a lot better place than I was, but I would still expect a lot of internal volatility.

I think what you're experiencing is pretty much normal. Very unpleasant, but normal.

Lostinthismess posted 1/28/2014 14:19 PM

It was normal for me. It would come and go. It would be euphoric we can do this! To ftg, I don't need him. An exhausting rollercoaster.

4everfaithful83 posted 1/28/2014 14:31 PM

Same here. Some days I feel like I'm too good for him and that I deserve better. Some days I feel like I just can't stay in this relationship.

And then other days, I couldn't imagine leaving.

It sure is a roller-coaster, and its definitely not fun.

deb3129 posted 1/28/2014 14:32 PM

I felt the same way shortly after DDay, I dont remember how long. For me, I think it was a coping mechanism. If I did not need him, then he could not hurt me that way ever again. I was terrified of ever needing him the way I had before, because it opened myself up to being hurt all over again.

It took me a while to get past that and to truly let down some of the walls, but i did get there.

JustShine posted 1/28/2014 14:36 PM

I get this, too. When I'm feeling stronger, I give less of a crap about him. But then he notices, and responds even better, and I swing back the other way to where I'm so excited that we could turn into one of those "better then before" couples. Then the pain of it all sneaks back up on me, so I re-focus on me more, until I'm feeling stronger....and so it goes. *sigh*

NoMorDeceit posted 1/28/2014 14:57 PM

Normal. Completely normal. Your D-Day is very recent.

I'll be 5 years out on April 6th. Eventually you will let it go. I won't say things will ever go back to how you felt pre-A, but you do let it go. I can go days, weeks, even months without thinking about it. My husband did everything right from day one and we did rebuild, but I am forever changed.

SorrowBhindSmile posted 1/28/2014 15:10 PM

I am 13 months out from DDay, and i still have days like that. Mostly, it hits me when we have a set back, (like if WH makes a mistake) I go to the dark place and the feelings of "i cant believe what he did, i deserve better, i cant stay" kick in. BUT, They are fewer and far between now....however, in the early days, i went back and forth a lot.

I think what you are feeling is normal. Hang in there. hugs to you.

LoveActually posted 1/28/2014 16:27 PM

I'm 4.8 years out and I will never forget it, but I have accepted it. Honestly, it wasn't until year 4 that I could really say it and mean it. I have accepted that it happened and absolutely nothing I can do will ever change that it happened. I have surrendered to that and chosen to move forward with my husband and my marriage. Our relationship is forever changed and the past mourned, but I really do like who we are now much better than before.

sudra posted 1/28/2014 16:49 PM

Gosh, at two months out, I hadn't even gotten a good start! I was in shock for the first several weeks, and then unable to function for five more months.

That's just me, but be prepared for lots of ups and downs. It's normal.

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