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I'm so angry about his affair (long)

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Feelingsolost posted 1/28/2014 11:17 AM

I post awhile back when I suspected my husband was cheating and it turns out he was.

He tried to divorce me over the holidays but still wouldn't admit it and it was driving me nuts. I thought I would lose my mind. Then he suddenly called it off in early January and said he wanted to reconcile. He cried a lot and asked me to forgive him so I said I would possibly consider reconciliation. The most he would tell me is that they kissed and he told her he loved her but he didn't mean it.

Two days later he told me she called and said she was pregnant (I don't know if this is true) so he was leaving me for good and going ahead with the divorce. It's starting to get ugly between us now.

The day he told me this he also said he wished he could be with me and not her and the baby then a few hours later he said he didn't mean it because he loved her and wanted the baby. It totally messed with my head.

We've fought since then and he even had the audacity to ask if he and the OW could have the king sized bed my parents bought for us because I no longer needed a bed that big. IT'S MADE ME SO ANGRY!!! He also told me to never speak to him again and that he never meant it when he said he wanted to reconcile.

It just kills me that he could lie, say he wanted me back and then just kick me out of my life and replace me with another woman.

I'm trying to get over this but this only started in September so it's all happened so fast and I'm just in shock.

I just needed to share this and I'd also know what the chances are that their relationship will last.

SisterMilkshake posted 1/28/2014 11:34 AM

I am so sorry, Feelingsolost. He seems like he enjoys mindfucking you.

The most he would tell me is that they kissed and he told her he loved her but he didn't mean it.

Two days later he told me she called and said she was pregnant

This is all the proof you need that he is nothing but a liar.

Do not talk to him, he is a liar. You. Can't. Believe. A. Word. He. Says.

Do not give him the king size bed. Go No Contact (NC) with him. NC= no new hurts.

Yes, you are in shock. That is normal. That is why it is up to you to protect you. (((Feelingsolost)))

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:35 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

Feelingsolost posted 1/28/2014 11:37 AM

No effing way am I giving him that bed. I can't even believe he asked for it. It's just infuriating and every time we have been in contact he says something even more horrible.

He was such a great husband for years that I don't know what happened. I hope their relationship is miserable and doesn't last.

sparklezombie posted 1/28/2014 11:49 AM

It doesn't matter if their relationship lasts. Do you really want to be with someone who truly doesn't know if he wants you (which in my mind means that he doesn't really want you)? It seems like he wants you if nothing better is out there. That's no way to live. You deserve better than this. Do the 180, go NC and move on.

I'll say it again:

You deserve better.

Feelingsolost posted 1/28/2014 11:54 AM

I don't want him anymore, he's not the guy I used to be married to. I just want him to suffer as much as I am. I know that's sort of mean of me to say but this pain is just so fresh.

nowiknow23 posted 1/28/2014 11:54 AM

((((Feelingsolost)))) Man, this guy is something.

Honey - go completely no contact with him. Do not listen to him, do not talk to him. Do not share any oxygen with him. Period.

Do you have a lawyer?

Feelingsolost posted 1/28/2014 12:15 PM

I have a lawyer, we're in the middle of divorce proceedings.

SisterMilkshake posted 1/28/2014 12:23 PM

Do you have children together? How long were you married? Can I ask how old you are?

Feelingsolost posted 1/28/2014 12:25 PM

No kids, we're both 34 and have been married 13 years, together for 14 total.

sisoon posted 1/28/2014 14:57 PM

If my W were doing something similar, I'd choose D, too, but I have a different view of what could be going on with your H.

I think it's entirely possible he's distraught because he would choose to be with you if the OC weren't involved. In other words, he sees how badly he's effed up his life and he wants to turn back the clock.

The reason I write this is that I think the antidote self-talk might be different for H being out of his head vs. H being manipulative.

I agree that NC sounds like the best approach no matter what's going on with him. Having him talk to your lawyer could save a lot of heartache and high blood pressure for you, and add a bunch for him.

NoMorDeceit posted 1/28/2014 15:06 PM

I'm so sorry. I understand your anger. He has some stones to ask about the bed.

I agree with NC. NC. NC.

He is currently insane, treat him as such and do not allow any more of this psychodrama into your life.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 1/28/2014 18:14 PM

I agree with sisoon and nomoredeceit. WS sounds

he's out of his head
and doesn't know which way to turn. My gut reaction when I first read his behavior.

But regardless NC, NC. You don't need to be dragged thru his demise and drama.

He is currently insane, treat him as such and do not allow any more of this psychodrama into your life

Interesting request about the king sized bed!
Dear Lord.

cantgetup posted 1/28/2014 20:15 PM

Dickless Monster. Run.

momentintime posted 1/28/2014 23:58 PM

IS OW really pregnant or was it a ploy to get him to leave? Regardless, he treated you badly and doesn't deserve you.

What nerve he has to ask for the bed. What a dick. Don't wait for him, start your new life.

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