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What is the point?

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Confusedfor3 posted 1/28/2014 11:46 AM

10 months from d day here and I find myself constantly wrestling with this though...what is the point? I know it is still newish and that I should not be making any decisions...but...infidelity was a deal breaker for me...at least this kind. I even told him that I maybe could handle a ons if he was very remorseful after. This though? A year long affair with a co-worker?! (This is after a 3 month ea the year before.). We have three beautiful young children and a lovely life together. But is that worth staying in a marriage I am not sure I will ever truly be happy in again? I love this man...but someone that could lie and cheat the way he did...not only on me but also the ow's family. Who does that? What kind of a man can do that?! Have I been hanging on to the dream I had for us and our children? What is the point in staying in a marriage where one party has been so unbelievably betrayed?

SisterMilkshake posted 1/28/2014 11:57 AM

For me the point is to save a family if at all possible. I still loved my FWH, he was remorseful, he was willing to do the work. I was willing to give him and our family a chance. If it didn't work, if I couldn't get over the "dealbreaker" feelings, than I would divorce.

Almost 4 years later, we have a good marriage. We are very much in love with each other. We are happy. Our family is intact. That was the point for me. (((Confusedfor3)))

Lostinthismess posted 1/28/2014 12:23 PM

I wrestle with this too. Much like sister said, I am JUST now to the point where I am saying I'm willing to try to save our family. That is the point for me. I will try. And if I can't be happy married to him then I can walk away knowing I tried. It took me this long to get there though. It's your second dday. Is he doing the work? Do you see any progress?

Confusedfor3 posted 1/28/2014 12:37 PM

Thank you for your replies! I know you are right. I am such a believer of marriage vows, family values and keeping the family together. I unfortunately think that he knew that and took advantage. Is he doing the work...I think so. He is very remorseful in MC and IC and has stepped it up at home completely. I know for myself I think I need to at least try...but getting past this to really out effort in is so so difficult.

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