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Him being gone is my biggest trigger

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Lostinthismess posted 1/28/2014 13:44 PM

Fwh is out of town for 2 weeks for work. Military, it's not like he can say I can't go or have me come along. He's gone a lot. His affair was when he was gone for training. It's killing me. He calls me and text me, that's not an issue. But every text, every call I'm bombarded with the thought of him calling her, texting her while he was doing the same for me. And I had no clue. He facetimes me from his room and I instantly picture her in his hotel room, her laying in his bed. When he's home it's not as bad. I spend 90% of my time trying NOT to think about it, push it from my head, not give her headspace but it's obviously not working. It's exhausting and crazy making! It feels like every time he leaves, half of the progress I've made is erased. No real point, just need to spew some thoughts I guess!

Raven96 posted 1/28/2014 15:00 PM

Post here anytime! I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no good advice...I just wanted to let you know you've been heard, and that I think it is normal to feel this way. I know I would.

Sometimes when my thoughts run wild I watch feel-good movies to help me forget for awhile. I also take naps. I do ANYTHING that will shut off my brain.

(((Lostinthismess)))

HormonalWoman posted 1/28/2014 15:23 PM

Ahh lostinthismess, I empathise. I am in the exact same situation. We often have terrible rows when he is away as i just can't handle it. Fortunately he leaves this year so hopefully we won't be apart anywhere near as frequently or as long as we often are and this will I hope help us an awful lot. I have no advice unfortunately, it's tough

Morhurt posted 1/28/2014 15:44 PM

I'm so sorry, it must be so hard. I have similar triggers when my H is just at work for the day!
((hugs))

Lostinthismess posted 1/28/2014 15:50 PM

Ugg, I just feel like I'm spiraling today. Seriously, just fuck this shit! Who does this to someone they love????

Morhurt posted 1/28/2014 15:51 PM

We're here and listening. It hurts so much and we get it. We've been/are there.

I'm so sorry for your pain.

Lostinthismess posted 1/28/2014 15:55 PM

Thanks morhurt. I would always call my sister but she just joined the club and is dealing with her own dday now. I can't unload on her. I can't call him because he's flying. Just not a good day.

sodamnlost posted 1/28/2014 17:47 PM

I can't even imagine. ((((Hugs)))))

This may sound odd but maybe it's a control issue? Not saying it's not justified - it TOTALLY is. Maybe focus in things you CAN control? A new skill or hobby? Just throwing it out there as the control thing is a bad one for me.

Lostinthismess posted 1/28/2014 17:55 PM

Do you mean control in that it's because I can't control him while he's gone?

I think a lot of it might be just feeling like a pathetic fool. Here I was being a damn good wife while he got himself a girlfriend. Talking on the phone, I miss you, and then him meeting her in a hotel. It helps having him here when I feel like that because I can SEE how awful he feels. He can do something. The stretches inbetween him being able to do something are longer when he's gone. The feelings have time to build, amplify until I get to the point I want to say why in the world am I putting myself through this?? Because he's sorry?? Why is this worth it?? All I have are my own thoughts right now. I'm not my own best company apparently.

hurtingfool posted 1/28/2014 18:25 PM


I'm new to this, but situation is similar. Mine WW is currently deployed. The A happened on New Year's Day. The biggest thing I can say to help out right now is to get all your feelings expressed on the phone. If nothing else, it will make you feel better and then hopefully help you come to a resolution on what you need to do to make yourself feel better.

That is how I am working it and, as the days and conversations pass, the weight of the waiting game is getting lighter.

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