WTF am I doing? I realized I didn't know everything but I knew enough.
I did get to the "what am I doing" point when I told her to leave and gave her my R terms. That was two months ago now. I've come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to happen. I just can't seem to call my lawyer and tell him to file.
I do pretty much know everything based on what evidence I have. Some of it is speculative and based on reasonable assumptions, but I'm confident I know everything "close enough".
I just never in a million years thought I would be here. None of us did. People keep talking about karma, and I want to know what I've done that's caused karma to bite me in butt like this.
It's all plain as day now too. Looking back, I feel like I should have seen what was happening. It was textbook. 1. I'm not happy, 2. Easily irritated by me, 3. ILYBINILWY, 4. I want a D, 5. I'm confused about what I want, 6. I found out what's happening, 7. Continued lies and A goes underground, 8. I found out more, 9. I told her to leave. I've read that story on here time after time. They should hand out a book about detailing that storyline with your marriage license. I never heard it in premarital counseling. I learned it the hard way.
I'm just so tired of the limbo. I'm tired of people not having a clue and asking "How's WW?". I smile and lie because I honestly don't know. I don't even know where my own wife is living right now. How's that for NC? I feel like a POS because of it, but I don't want her in my life if she doesn't want to be. It's pretty obvious to me now that she doesn't want to be anymore.
I give up.