"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

RealityStinks posted 1/28/2014 14:19 PM

1,028 phone calls totaling 14,101 minutes in 180 days.
4741 texts in 156 days.
That's what I know of, and doesn't include her work phone. The phone calls occurred mainly during the week, and 80% of the texting was on the weekend when I was around. I haven't counted the number of trips to his house from the GPS records. Don't know that I will.

How do you do that to someone you love? To someone that you promised in front of God, your family, and your friends to love forever? I do not understand. I don't know that I ever will understand. And now, I just don't think I care enough to try to understand anymore, and it scares me a little. Am I finally to the point that I can move on? I think I might be. I don't want this anymore. I do know that.

I'm not sad/angry as much anymore. It still happens on a daily basis, but I find myself to be more indifferent than anything. Has anyone else experienced those feelings?

Ostrich80 posted 1/28/2014 14:28 PM

Yes. It's easy for me to forget the stats, my heart gets blinded when I'm in the daily grind and things are seemingly normal but then my logical side remembers the enormous amount of texts and phone calls I printed out and counted. It used to shock me over and over but now its slipping to IDGAF anymore.

Brandon808 posted 1/28/2014 14:35 PM

I had several moments that all added up to one thing. I am DONE.

One of those moments happened when I was trying to figure out how to collect the evidence. I started looking through emails and cell phone records and it hit...this was my reality. I had some evidence and now here I am having to look for more information about my own wife. WTF am I doing? I realized I didn't know everything but I knew enough.

RealityStinks posted 1/28/2014 14:48 PM

WTF am I doing? I realized I didn't know everything but I knew enough.

I did get to the "what am I doing" point when I told her to leave and gave her my R terms. That was two months ago now. I've come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to happen. I just can't seem to call my lawyer and tell him to file.

I do pretty much know everything based on what evidence I have. Some of it is speculative and based on reasonable assumptions, but I'm confident I know everything "close enough".

I just never in a million years thought I would be here. None of us did. People keep talking about karma, and I want to know what I've done that's caused karma to bite me in butt like this.

It's all plain as day now too. Looking back, I feel like I should have seen what was happening. It was textbook. 1. I'm not happy, 2. Easily irritated by me, 3. ILYBINILWY, 4. I want a D, 5. I'm confused about what I want, 6. I found out what's happening, 7. Continued lies and A goes underground, 8. I found out more, 9. I told her to leave. I've read that story on here time after time. They should hand out a book about detailing that storyline with your marriage license. I never heard it in premarital counseling. I learned it the hard way.

I'm just so tired of the limbo. I'm tired of people not having a clue and asking "How's WW?". I smile and lie because I honestly don't know. I don't even know where my own wife is living right now. How's that for NC? I feel like a POS because of it, but I don't want her in my life if she doesn't want to be. It's pretty obvious to me now that she doesn't want to be anymore.

I give up.

Brandon808 posted 1/28/2014 23:09 PM

I'm just so tired of the limbo.

Then take the next step. It's not that easy but it is that simple.

The thing is many BS know when we're almost to that point of being Done. Something inside continues to hold on. Hold on to the questions. Hold on to the memories. Hold on to the hope. Waiting there at that half-way point where the WS needs to meet us to have a chance at saving it. You see it's not about giving up on the WS. We fight back that feeling, the realization of being Done. We hold it in the back of our minds. Then we stop fighting it off. Then we stop struggling within ourselves to hold on. We just let go. It can be a little scary knowing you're at that point. However, it's part of moving on and reclaiming your life. If that's what you're close to then I say let it happen. Relax, let go and allow yourself to be Done.

HighSticked posted 1/29/2014 00:46 AM

I've done the counting thing too. 6775 texts in 90 days. Who knows how else they communicated. Sexting Picts and secret meetings. But somehow they were just friends. If the shoe was on the other foot and my wife found 1000's of texts, some scantily clad Picts and times set up to meet, my ass would be divorced but it's perfectly fine for her. She's flat out delusional

heforgotme posted 1/29/2014 02:13 AM

I've done the numbers too. It sucks.

The hours upon hours they talked. The number of times he called me for 2 seconds, I guess to get rid of me, and then talked to her for hours.

Yeah. This sucks bad.