Within 30 minutes, my wife called me scared and furious with me. It was him and he immediately contacted her threatening to call the cops. She told me she yelled at him, called him a douche and said this all has to stop.
I went home to discuss it with her. Personally, although it was a mistake, I feel better looking that bastard in the eye and seeing his panic. I had no intentions of fighting or doing anything other than being a man talking straight with a wannabe man.
But she is furious with me. Says I broke her trust, when I asked what he said she yelled none of my business. I've been working through this with the intent of reconciliation and may have screwed that chance up. It's only been two weeks since DDay and she knows I'm checking her phone and where abouts. I believe her when she said it was over, but I can't shake the insecurity and paranoia. I asked last week to tolerate this, and she claimed she understood but in the end she's acting victimized and says my hovering makes her feel like a prisoner.
I swore to her id steer clear of her work and him.
Looking long term I want this to be all over, but am not certain our marriage will survive. As I try to plan out an elaborate 21 st anniversary in March.
Seems like I'm bearing all the guilt, suffering and punishment.
Just not fair.
Second, she might need reminding that she broke your trust in a much more devastating way. The NERVE of these people honestly floors me. She needs to get off her high horse and start looking like a remorseful spouse.
Third, stay away from the OM. You don't need trouble with the law on top of your present troubles.
Fourth, good luck, man. It might take more than a few weeks for this woman to come out of the fog.
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
Let her get furious! She had an affair and accuses you of breaking her trust?
She should divulge every word of the conversation they had. You have a right to know.
She's acting victimized? Not a good sign.
180 hard and fast.
Says I broke her trust, when I asked what he said she yelled none of my business.
I've been working through this with the intent of reconciliation and may have screwed that chance up.
Seems like I'm bearing all the guilt, suffering and punishment.
Just not fair.
ETA: And for what it's worth, the OM is a punk assed POS cowardly Mother F...er! Uhhhgggg. Disgusting coward.
To quote my Mama, "Does he have a c..t or a dick between his legs, WTF!"
[This message edited by StillLivin at 2:40 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]
Says I broke her trust
As I try to plan out an elaborate 21 st anniversary in March.
^^^ why are you doing this??
You need to know none of this is your fault.
She is the guilty party. She needs to get to work if she wants to save the marriage.
I don't know why you are giving her the deck of cards to hold, take them back and pull the 180 on her.
She isn't worthy of a pity party right now, never mind a 21st anniversary bash....
But she is furious with me. Says I broke her trust
To freakin bad. She slept with this piece of shit while married to you. She wouldn't give you his name the first five times you asked and the only way you got it was promising you wouldn't contact him. Excuse me, you deserved to know his name. She is pissed at you! Tell her to kiss your ass. What about NC with him; she took his damn call.
The audacity of these WW blows my top. On DD#1 you bet I called the nasty little whore. I didn't ask or inform my husband that I was going to do it. Too bad if he had a problem with it.
What a little sissy this guy is; if you have the nerve to sleep with someone who is married, you better have the balls to look me in the eye and answer some damn questions about it.
Please read up on the 180 found in the Healing Library. You can not "nice" waywards back into the marriage. Your wife is still protecting him, until she begins putting your interests first, there can be no reconciliation.
"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
So it's okay for her to meet him alone but you can't? That's rich.
I believe her when she said it was over, but I can't shake the insecurity and paranoia. I asked last week to tolerate this, and she claimed she understood but in the end she's acting victimized and says my hovering makes her feel like a prisoner.
I made the same mistake. If it's over, they won't tell you that you're making them feel like a prisoner.
The OM: what a coward.
Life is not measured by the breaths we take
but by the moments that take our breath away.
Said she was done. Okay, you cheated, I'm fine with that. That's when it turned. Pulled her head out of her ass.
This is your life! You put the man on notice and his pussy ass called your WW for protection. My WW's OM did the same thing on DDay #1. Send him a skirt in the mail anonymously.
You did nothing wrong, NOTHING. You love your WW, that is not wrong!
My point is I did a ton of things I thought would derail R. You WW needs to become remorseful before you can even begin that process. Go slow, do what is best after really thinking about it. It is a painful process. We are about six months out and just now starting to have a string of good days. When you get to that point, you realize you and your WW have been doing the work. Be gentle with yourself and I wish you the best.
Send him a skirt in the mail anonymously
The other thing that concerns me is that OM immediately calls her and she in turn calls you. Except she didn't call to see how you were doing. She called to be confrontational. Quite frankly her insistence that you not confront him was done for her self-protection rather than your benefit.
And pardon me but it is every bit your f*cking business what was said between them. You're nicer than I would have been because she or I would have been out of the house for suggesting that one damn thing between her and OM wasn't my business.
The answer, incoming emails, from a shitload of retail stores. Quite the shopper she is. She didn't get mad, we figured it out together, emails lined up with times data was being used perfectly=remorseful spouse doing the work!
It will take time, and time will tell if she will get there. Hang in there, you don't need to make a decision right away. If I had due to my pain early on I would be divorced or on my way.
[This message edited by Smokehouse at 4:44 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]
She is concerned with protecting OM and herself, she is still mentally in the A.
She is not remorseful, she is not transparent (won't discuss the conversation with OM as it is none of your business - REALLY???!!).
Read up on the 180, sir, she needs a cranial rectal extraction and seems uninterested in getting one. Detach, take care of you. She's still toxic.
edited for typos (I always have to!)
As much as you would like to see OM running scared, I would stay away if you can. Don't give the low-life coward any excuse to add more drama to your life than your WW has already created. The APs just secretly love all the attention. Remember they are pathetic.
she's acting victimized and says my hovering makes her feel like a prisoner.
She is still in the affair or wants to be. Period. Amen. Why else would she care about you looking at her stuff or knowing where she is? My husband can look at anything of mine and he always knows where I am or where I am going and I can do the same with him. The only people who feel like "prisoners" are people with something to hide and who are having trouble doing so.
Mad at you? You broke her trust?
She might need the hefty bag treatment to help clear her head.
"None of your business"...No way. You are her husband!
How did he call her? She needs to change her number. Immediately. Do you pay the bill? I'd change it for her, tonight.
You need to rip the rug out from under the little princess..."You broke my trust"...