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lostcovenants (original poster member #40637) posted at 10:17 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
I have started cutting. I am either in complete agony or numb. I can't take either one any more. As I type this I am numb. I have just done it a few times, but when I am numb it allows me to feel something - and - when I am in agony over my husband's betrayals it replaces that with the new pain. 
DDs, 1977 (prostitutes), 7/8/13 (LTA MOW), 11/14 (CL), 9/1/15 (PA).
Porn, 2DUIs, blame-shifting. I told both families & adult kids. I was suicidal and cutting.
I moved out for 2 years, he asked me to come home 10/16. R w exit plan.
STD discovered
justdoit ( member #25898) posted at 10:41 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
((lostcovenants)) I understand the incredible pain you are in, and so do so many others here at SI. It is good that you have posted about this - to me it says that you know what you are doing to yourself is not the answer. Posting here may help you to get some of the pain out. There are a lot of smart, insightful people here in this club none of us ever wanted to join!
Are you in IC? If so call and make an appointment, if not please, please do so. You don't deserve the pain but you DO deserve to make yourself your top priority!
And even if you've heard it a thousand times and don't yet believe it, give yourself time - time to grieve, time to be angry, time to heal.
We're all here for you!
Me - 67
WH - 74
Married 44 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"
cl131716 ( member #40699) posted at 10:43 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
Are you in IC? Please get to one ASAP! Or perhaps call a mental health line.
I cut in high school and it eventually progressed into a suicide attempt. I have Borderline tendencies but was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (wrong diagnosis)at the time. Medication and therapy helped me tremendously!
This is very serious! Please get help!
(((lostcovenants)))
Me BS 33 Him WS 37
Together 6 years, married almost 4 years
D-day: 07/23/13 EA with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out about a past kiss
D-day: 05/30/16 Saw first text message from new COW
D-day: 09-08-16 Dr. Fone confirmed EA
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:51 PM on Tuesday, January 28th, 2014
I have to echo what cl131716 said, this is very serious and you should see an IC immediately. I began cutting after months of false r and led to a suicide attempt and then more cutting. I was hospitalized 2 times. Please seek help for your own safety!
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:51 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 12:58 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
In agreement with everyone that says you need to seek IC NOW.
In the meantime...to help deal with the cutting try to work on delaying the impulse. Try to distract yourself. When it gets overwhelming, go to the freezer and get and ice cube and hold it in your hand or grab a notebook and scribble on it with pen hard enough to tear the paper. But DO NOT CUT.
It takes practice to master these interventions. Sometimes it takes a good friend who is willing to sit on the phone with you for an hour while you are lying on the floor in a puddle while she talks you down. Do whatever it takes.
Make that phone call for help!
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 1:44 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
((((lostcovenants))))
Keeping you in my prayers. For strength. For peace. For healing.
Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R
lostcovenants (original poster member #40637) posted at 2:06 AM on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
Hello everyone. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I don't feel like this is a big problem. I have been seeing a IC for months, and just recently stopped as I didn't feel like I was making progress. My WS is kind considerate and doing everything right... Except for answering in writing two questions. These are how will you help me heal and how have you cheated on me. He agreed to answer three questions from me at our MCs request . That was in October. He final answered the first question after about six weeks when we were again at MC and the MC took him and a pad and pencil and set him down in another room. Then he finally answered question one, which was, how do you think I feel?
I have asked him to answer the other two, cried and begged (I know I'm pitiful). He has said over and over he will - but obviously that is not going to happen.
I guess this is my answer of how to distract myself from the continuing pain and/or numbness.
Once I learn to accept that he will do all the other thing but not this then I guess that will replace the pain/numbness.
Really I'm okay - as okay as anyone can be 6 months out. Thank you all for your concern, I just have to learn a healthy way to deal with this, but for now this gives me a little relief.
I am on Prozac and Xanax. I hadn't taken the second for about a month at the request of my doctor, but I guess I need to explain to her that I still need it.
Please, don't worry about me, 
DDs, 1977 (prostitutes), 7/8/13 (LTA MOW), 11/14 (CL), 9/1/15 (PA).
Porn, 2DUIs, blame-shifting. I told both families & adult kids. I was suicidal and cutting.
I moved out for 2 years, he asked me to come home 10/16. R w exit plan.
STD discovered
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