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Part-time lover: article

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Threnody posted 1/28/2014 16:57 PM

This was an interesting read.

Those of you who say you'll never remarry or cohabitate again, what do you think?

caregiver9000 posted 1/28/2014 17:34 PM

Sounds perfect to me.

Except that I am more on the every other weekend schedule with maybe a midweek dinner.

I admit, the nightly phone call and the idea that dating leads to "more" expectations, time, and shared responsibility is NOT appealing to me. BUT... I want something consistent and intimate.

finallymefirst posted 1/28/2014 18:03 PM

Sounds good to me!!

Nature_Girl posted 1/28/2014 18:33 PM

Works for me.

No nightly phone call. No schedule commitments. No sleepovers. No exchanging keys. I do NOT want another full-meal deal relationship again.

Ann124 posted 1/28/2014 19:11 PM

Interesting, I think that was my mind set when SO and I started "dating." I am the one that makes a point of stating "I will not re-marry." The article really doesn't make me question my stance but SO has. Not that he has talked about marriage ... I just find myself wondering.

Phoenix1 posted 1/28/2014 20:31 PM

I guess you could say that is where I am now. I am dating a guy, and we are exclusive, but it is really a part-time situation. And that works for both of us as neither of us want more. We want our independence, we are both very busy with our careers, we have both been through long term marriages, we like having our respective home to go to, yet we enjoy each other's company thoroughly when we are together. Neither of us wants to get remarried nor move in together. It really is the best of both worlds! However, it really must be the desire of both people for it to work. I have no complaints...

better4me posted 1/28/2014 20:40 PM

sounds ideal to me right now too. I can see wanting more if the feelings deepen bu the idea of all day every day? not so much.

tryingagain74 posted 1/28/2014 21:16 PM

Sign me up!

Well, not for the service, but that sounds great to me. The last thing I want is another Needy Nelson wanting to hog up my evenings and trying to dictate all of my free time. Oh no. Never again!

risingfromashes posted 1/28/2014 21:31 PM

This is what I have been calling my FWB situation but better. We really care about each other but will never take this to the next level for multiple reasons. We are monogamous. What is so weird/wonderful is that I actually trust him.

inconnu posted 1/28/2014 21:31 PM

I can see the appeal, if that's what both people truly want. SO and I were/are sort of forced into something similar, because of the LDR. In hindsight, I can see how being part-time lovers (due to distance) gave us both the time apart we needed to process our divorces, and gave us enough time together to enjoy the hell out of falling in love. Not always, but sometimes I would think that I really did have the best of both worlds. I had the space I needed to rebuild the other parts of my life after my divorce, and am also in a committed, exclusive relationship with a wonderful man.

Bluebird26 posted 1/29/2014 03:56 AM


I am not dating currently have no time and have my kids pretty much all the time. This idea would suit me

But I am thinking this probably 'new' strategy of dating has just really labelled what is currently happening with divorced people/singles with children anyway. People that probably can't really commit to much more of a relationship until it's much later in their relationship where the partner is introduced and children etc and families begin to blend. I guess they have just found a way to market it.

Later posted 1/29/2014 04:54 AM

I think it's great in theory. Both the relationship and the site where you can search out others of like mind. There are probably a lot of people who legitimately want a real relationship, but due to family and career obligations do not need/want to spend 7 days a week dating.

It may be that one party eventually "wants more," but at least you can search among a pool of people who claim to be of like mind. From there, you have to vett the prospect, but you have to do that anyway. Just go into it knowing that it has the potential for attracting a lot of people who really just want a FWB, or worse, married people who are looking for something "steady" on the side. (It's not as though the other sites don't do that already).

Williesmom posted 1/29/2014 07:08 AM

OMG!!!! This is exactly what I'm looking for.

I just don't think I can do the 24/7 living together thing, but I want someone in my life. That's part of the allure of my new target audience: Single dads that have full custody.

stronger08 posted 1/29/2014 07:34 AM

In the real world this is very uncommon. I too was searching for something like this. As I have my DS every other weekend and half the summer it looked to be an ideal thing. But I never got a bite on an arrangement like that. Even with D women who had children of their own. If you can find it hooray for you !!!!

SBB posted 1/29/2014 07:53 AM

I'll never remarry and I doubt I'll ever want to live with anyone again. Right now it is a relatively easy decision to explain without feeling like I'm rejecting them because I have very young children but TBH I can't see it changing even when they grow up.

I have yet to come across anyone who is actually capable of this kind of arrangement for more than a few months. Even in a FWB scenario. They seem to accept that 50% of my time is for my girls but kind of start demanding the remaining 50%. Then we're back to rejection.

I'm not a fan of OLD - this site sounds a little like a haven for cheaters who don't want to cheat with other cheaters, IYKWIM?

Pass posted 1/29/2014 11:03 AM

Yeah, man. I thought I had found this. A divorcee who has her kids most of the time, and a demanding career. She only had two evenings a week available, and they coincided with two of my evenings. Seemed perfect.

But the texting. Sweet Jesus, the texting! I mean, I thought I was needy (or so The Princess lead me to believe), but I'm not even on the scale. She wanted me to text as soon as I woke each morning, for at least an hour in the evening, text goodnight as the phone fell out of my hand, and MANY times throughout the day. HUNDREDS of texts each day.

We dated for a little over two weeks, and I tried to convince myself that I just was a little cold after the 17-year emotional deep freeze of my marriage, and needed to get used to some human warmth. No way, dude.

One night while at my weekly jam session (I had told her that I can't answer texts for that four-hour period once a week), I received about 30 texts from her. She had worked herself up into a state. Thought I was ignoring her, had friend-zoned her, was pining for The Princess. By text #30, she was wishing me luck, saying she hopes I have "more courage" to accept the love I deserve next time".

My response: "Thanks. Good luck to you too."

I think maybe the problem wasn't with me. I've decided that the part-time lover may be a mythical beast.

Pass posted 1/29/2014 11:04 AM

... and I have killed my OLD accounts. Fuck that.

Weatherly posted 1/29/2014 12:24 PM

I ended up marrying my "part time lover", we're on year 4.

When we met, it was a FWB thing because he figured he'd never find a woman who wouldn't want him to quit his job. And after being married to a controlling asshole, I wasn't looking to have anyone involved in my life enough to get controlling. So, we'd enjoy our Saturdays and Sundays together, and I'd kiss him good-bye and he'd be gone for 5 days, just worked.

As we realized we actually really liked and loved each other, he was very concerned his job would be a problem. And, I have since earned the title "Least Romantic Wife Ever" because i had to tell him, I LIKE his job, this is what I wanted. I wanted to be alone quite a bit, i'm so introverted that it is ridiculous, so, I get all week to recharge, at Christmas, he had a month off. And, it was weird. He was glad to go back to work, and i was glad to kiss him bye. When I say this sort of thing, we get a lot of of people who seem shocked and say they love their spouse far too much to "allow" this. We adore each other. And, we like our time apart. It really is nice, it can be hard, but, it's nice and it works for us.

Weatherly posted 1/29/2014 13:03 PM

Ugh...never read the comments to an article.

Good to know my marriage is just a "booty call".

InnerLight posted 1/30/2014 00:18 AM

The article had a weird tone but I guess this is what i have. Saturday night to Sunday morning and sometimes a dinner midweek. Nightly phone calls 10minutes - 60 minutes, and a brief good morning sweetie text. Ample space to get on with life.

No serious discussion of living together or marriage. We've touched on it, but neither of us are enthused about that. We are both introverts and need recharge time alone. The only way we could live together is if one of us had a cottage in the back. But that's not being planned for. I've wondered if there is something wrong with me that I've not 'healed' enough, but so what if it is. This is what works great right now.

We have such consistently very pleasant times together and we love each other. No frills, straight forward. When we have to communicate difficult things we do. Mostly we communicate appreciations. 4 years and going strong.

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