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missy1 posted 1/28/2014 17:07 PM

I di scovered my husband's affair 1/1. He is remorseful and
we are in counseling. I have been honest and up front with what I want. Did anyone else experience delays in getting passwords? He did give me access to his cell account but that's not enough. In reconciling how
patient were you in getting passwords?

Indifferentman posted 1/28/2014 17:18 PM

Zero patience. There's only one reason to delay.

karmahappens posted 1/28/2014 17:20 PM

two choices

passwords

or hefty bags


The only reason to delay is so they can wipe things clean....

HeartInADustpan posted 1/28/2014 17:21 PM

I'd question "remorseful". Delay does not equal remorse.

Hang in there.

steadfast1973 posted 1/28/2014 17:24 PM

After 27 days, you still don't have passwords? That's not remorseful... That's still hiding.

Morhurt posted 1/28/2014 17:31 PM

I'm sorry for your pain. But I agree with the others. No passwords is a deal breaker.

Lostinthismess posted 1/28/2014 17:45 PM

I would wait approximately 30 seconds. Then change the locks.

NoMorDeceit posted 1/28/2014 18:16 PM

I would have waited to about the count of three. Then out the door he and his crap would have gone. There is no excuse to not hand over all passwords. He is still hiding and lying. That is not remorse.

Be strong. You are right to want them. Do not back down.

lilflower1000 posted 1/28/2014 18:22 PM

Anything but full transparency= hiding / lying. These ladies have all been there. Listen to them.
(( hugs)) stay strong.

creativecat posted 1/29/2014 23:01 PM

I had all my fWHs passwords, and when I asked him one night, 8 months ago, if I would find anything on his computer/phone/etc that I would not appreciate, he said, "You have all my passwords, what do you want?"

Well, it turns out he was calling my bluff. I had always been slightly suspicious of SOMETHING, but I dug deeper after that statement. And found it.

I now have phone software, social media is out of his life, and the only computer he uses is for work, at work, with no real internet access.

I mention this because you have to know what you're looking for, or even to look, when you have the passwords.

So stalling/refusing to give you passwords? Yeah, not remorseful.

spond posted 1/30/2014 06:59 AM

After 27 days, you still don't have passwords? That's not remorseful... That's still hiding.

Couldn't agree more.

rachelc posted 1/30/2014 08:06 AM

Did anyone else experience delays in getting passwords?


yes, and then he had another affair.

what karma said.

SorrowBhindSmile posted 1/30/2014 11:26 AM

what everyone else says times a thousand.

i didnt even have to ask for my WH passwords. He offered everything up immediately. facebook, personal email, all of it. changed his cell phone #. He gave me his work passwords, work email information, his work voice mail password, his log in stuff for all his work computers, shared his work calendar with me so i could see all his meetings...you get the idea.

open. honest, transparent. everything. all the time. period.

anything less does not equal remorseful.

hugs to you

Skan posted 1/30/2014 18:28 PM

Tonight sit his rear end down, grab his cell phone, and tell him that you want his password(s) right now. If he hesitates, tell him password or door hitting him on the ass as he walks out. There's only two reasons to not have provided it approx. 30 seconds after you asked for it the first time either he is still in an A or he has a lot of deleting to do.

No password no remorse. Regret about being caught, yes. Remorse, no.

BeyondBreaking posted 1/30/2014 18:57 PM

What is his reasoning for not wanting to give up the passwords? What is his reasoning for the delay?

I can only think of one reason- to give himself time to go through everything and hide/delete.

Alternatively, he could be setting up new accounts, and wants to delay so that he can forward old information and delete evidence of that.

What does MC say about his delay?

Give him two choices- passwords IMMEDIATELY or he can go ahead and move out.

missy1 posted 1/30/2014 19:26 PM

Thank you all for the feedback. MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood. My response was he created this disaster. If he was unhappy in the marriage he couldve left. There is no way I'm holding his hand guiding HIM through how to show me remorse and win my trust back!!!!! I am standing my ground for what I want

rachelc posted 1/30/2014 19:35 PM

MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood.

I've been here 4 years. Of all the crappy advice I've heard of from MC this has got to be one of the worst.
What about your feelings? He had an affair and YOU need to be patient?

Stand your ground, fire MC, passwords or he gets kicked out. So many people here wish they put their bitch boots on right away, including me.

badmedicine posted 1/30/2014 19:35 PM

Whoah. Maybe also time for a new MC?? If you asked calmly but firmly the first time I wouldn't wait. I never got passwords and it was because we WEREN'T TRULY IN R. I thought so, but then again I also thought we were in a M at one point, too.

This sounds harsh and I know you don't want to believe it because neither do I. But, if he won't be completely open with you then there is a problem. Get those passwords.

Trying2Survive1 posted 1/30/2014 19:53 PM

He needs to get over himself. You need those passwords to begin healing from his horrible betrayal. No more delays!!!

SorrowBhindSmile posted 1/30/2014 22:37 PM


I am standing my ground for what I want

damn straight.

MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood

thats bullshit. time for a new MC. ugh.

hugs

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