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Newest Member: Ibelieved (46047)

User Topic: Passwords
missy1
♀ 42085
Member # 42085
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I di scovered my husband's affair 1/1. He is remorseful and
we are in counseling. I have been honest and up front with what I want. Did anyone else experience delays in getting passwords? He did give me access to his cell account but that's not enough. In reconciling how
patient were you in getting passwords?

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: missy1
Indifferentman
♂ 39536
Member # 39536
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Zero patience. There's only one reason to delay.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

two choices

passwords

or hefty bags


The only reason to delay is so they can wipe things clean....


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
HeartInADustpan
♀ 38341
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd question "remorseful". Delay does not equal remorse.

Hang in there.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 27 days, you still don't have passwords? That's not remorseful... That's still hiding.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Morhurt
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry for your pain. But I agree with the others. No passwords is a deal breaker.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 961 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Lostinthismess
♀ 39210
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would wait approximately 30 seconds. Then change the locks.


'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 339 | Registered: May 2013
NoMorDeceit
♀ 23547
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have waited to about the count of three. Then out the door he and his crap would have gone. There is no excuse to not hand over all passwords. He is still hiding and lying. That is not remorse.

Be strong. You are right to want them. Do not back down.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 612 | Registered: Apr 2009
lilflower1000
♀ 36634
Member # 36634
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anything but full transparency= hiding / lying. These ladies have all been there. Listen to them.
(( hugs)) stay strong.


lilflower1000
Me: 44 BS
Married 12 yrs
Dday:8/1/2012
True R: 12/2012
4kids(11, 8, 5, 4mos)+ 2 Step kids I love like my own

Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Georgia
creativecat
♀ 41728
Member # 41728
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had all my fWHs passwords, and when I asked him one night, 8 months ago, if I would find anything on his computer/phone/etc that I would not appreciate, he said, "You have all my passwords, what do you want?"

Well, it turns out he was calling my bluff. I had always been slightly suspicious of SOMETHING, but I dug deeper after that statement. And found it.

I now have phone software, social media is out of his life, and the only computer he uses is for work, at work, with no real internet access.

I mention this because you have to know what you're looking for, or even to look, when you have the passwords.

So stalling/refusing to give you passwords? Yeah, not remorseful.


Posts: 89 | Registered: Dec 2013
spond
♂ 41686
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 27 days, you still don't have passwords? That's not remorseful... That's still hiding.

Couldn't agree more.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 427 | Registered: Dec 2013
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did anyone else experience delays in getting passwords?


yes, and then he had another affair.

what karma said.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5779 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what everyone else says times a thousand.

i didnt even have to ask for my WH passwords. He offered everything up immediately. facebook, personal email, all of it. changed his cell phone #. He gave me his work passwords, work email information, his work voice mail password, his log in stuff for all his work computers, shared his work calendar with me so i could see all his meetings...you get the idea.

open. honest, transparent. everything. all the time. period.

anything less does not equal remorseful.

hugs to you


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight sit his rear end down, grab his cell phone, and tell him that you want his password(s) right now. If he hesitates, tell him password or door hitting him on the ass as he walks out. There's only two reasons to not have provided it approx. 30 seconds after you asked for it the first time either he is still in an A or he has a lot of deleting to do.

No password no remorse. Regret about being caught, yes. Remorse, no.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5255 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
BeyondBreaking
♀ 38020
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is his reasoning for not wanting to give up the passwords? What is his reasoning for the delay?

I can only think of one reason- to give himself time to go through everything and hide/delete.

Alternatively, he could be setting up new accounts, and wants to delay so that he can forward old information and delete evidence of that.

What does MC say about his delay?

Give him two choices- passwords IMMEDIATELY or he can go ahead and move out.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
missy1
♀ 42085
Member # 42085
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the feedback. MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood. My response was he created this disaster. If he was unhappy in the marriage he couldve left. There is no way I'm holding his hand guiding HIM through how to show me remorse and win my trust back!!!!! I am standing my ground for what I want

Posts: 11 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: missy1
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood.

I've been here 4 years. Of all the crappy advice I've heard of from MC this has got to be one of the worst.
What about your feelings? He had an affair and YOU need to be patient?

Stand your ground, fire MC, passwords or he gets kicked out. So many people here wish they put their bitch boots on right away, including me.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5779 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
badmedicine
♀ 41692
Member # 41692
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whoah. Maybe also time for a new MC?? If you asked calmly but firmly the first time I wouldn't wait. I never got passwords and it was because we WEREN'T TRULY IN R. I thought so, but then again I also thought we were in a M at one point, too.

This sounds harsh and I know you don't want to believe it because neither do I. But, if he won't be completely open with you then there is a problem. Get those passwords.


"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker

Posts: 208 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Trying2Survive1
♀ 40022
Member # 40022
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to get over himself. You need those passwords to begin healing from his horrible betrayal. No more delays!!!


Madhatters, M 33 yrs
FWW/BS 58 BS/FWH 57
Separated 5 mos in 07.His DDay,11/07.False R since 07. My DDay,7/5/13."Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Posts: 141 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am standing my ground for what I want

damn straight.

MC says I need to be patient. She says he feels like he's being stripped of his manhood

thats bullshit. time for a new MC. ugh.

hugs


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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