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Sex after emotional affair

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EB1541 posted 1/28/2014 18:40 PM

Is sex after an emotional affair healthy?(my husband was basically dating this other woman and taking her on dates). Possible physical affair. Idk.

When I first found out(3+ weeks) I felt like I wanted to all the time. I think I felt it would make us bond again, but now I feel little sexual desire for my husband. We still have sex but only 1 a week or less.

I am trying to work on R.

Can anyone else relate?

[This message edited by EB1541 at 6:40 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

jo2love posted 1/28/2014 18:52 PM

It sounds like you went though a period of HB. This is a normal. Below is a description from the Healing Library. I've included the link.

Upon being confronted with the undeniable reality that their most trusted spouse has betrayed them with another, some BS's experience an overwhelming sexual desire for their wayward spouse. Many couples claim to have had the best, most intense and loving sex of their relationship during the period following the discovery of an affair, (generally a few weeks to several months), often trying new things and experimenting in ways they had never considered before. This phenomenon is termed "Hysterical Bonding.

There is very little information on this phenomenon, but it appears to be a primal, instinctual way for the partners to reconnect and reclaim each other. While it may feel counter-intuitive to the BS; as if they are "rewarding" the WS for the affair, hysterical bonding can be a stepping stone to reconciliation. The intimacy encourages communication and a closeness that may otherwise take some time to re-build.

The occurrence or absence of hysterical bonding does not appear to be an indicator of successful reconciliation. Many other factors, such as the WS's remorse and openness are far more reliable indicators. Hysterical bonding is, however, normal, and nothing for the BS to be alarmed about or ashamed about experiencing. In fact, it has been said it is the one positive in an otherwise long and miserable experience, so enjoy it while it lasts.

EB1541 posted 1/28/2014 18:58 PM

Wow that sounds exactly like the way I feel. I am going to do some more research! Thank you.

WarpSpeed posted 1/28/2014 19:04 PM

There's a big chunk of the community here that went through HB. One of the beauties of this place is having access to people with insight into what your feeling and experiencing. There will be lots more of that for you as you work through your healing.

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