I am sorry to read this post. It appears there is a certain number if WS's that are slow to find remorse. My wife was one, your husband is one.
You say you are 8 months into R. Is this true or are you 8 months from DD? Those are very different things.
For me, 0-6 months post DD were basically me just accepting what my wife did.....and her finding REGRET. Regret that she got caught, then regret that her relationship with the OM was dead (blamed me for it because he dumped her the night I showed up on his front porch), then regret for lying to her sister, MC, close friends, and me, then regret for hurting me, then regret for hurting our girls, then regret for hurting herself.
I mention all of that to say this very important statement.
I mistook "regret" for "remorse"....and it allowed more pain to enter my sitch.
MC, as suggested above, can be hugely beneficial. However, you must find a MC who specializes in adultery. Ours did not....,and our MC made the same dreadful mistake I made and mistook regret for remorse.
Best thing I would recommend to someone us to go to separate corners immediately following your DD.....it appears to me to be a rare WS who finds remorse quickly.
Remorse is needed before true R can be offered, accepted or learned.
Repentence follows regret and remorse.
I know these are similar in nature.....but my experience tells me they are different. Different due to underlying motives.
If my wife stopped at regret.....I believe her fortitude for self-growth and nurturing her M to me would stop as soon as another SAHD winked at her and had "a way to keep their affair a total secret". Kwim?
Big questions to ask yourself....."why did I state 8 months into R? What makes it seem like I am in R?
God be with us all.