My husband is consumed with details right now about when I kissed another man at a party, and I understand that. The thing is--I have given him every detail I remember, so I'm starting to panic. I don't know what to do.
I've offered to write him up a timeline, and I think it will be helpful because he often confuses the details I've already given him. This was 11 years ago, and I was drunk. I just don't think there is going to magically be any new stuff to remember.
He got some sound advice on here about how to proceed, since lack of details might be a reality in this situation.. He is unable to take it.
In a sense, I feel like he almost..wants there to be more to the story. Is that possible? Like, if I did more than I confessed to, then he won't have to feel as bad about his As? I also feel like he is projecting. Since he chatted with multiple girls, for weeks or months on end--even with the ONS--at a certain level, he probably had an emotional connection with all of them. I did not have an emotional connection with the man I'd kissed. He was a friend of a friend and I'd met him socially a couple of times before, but always in a group. I'd never had an in-depth conversation with him. I knew next to nothing about him. My husband can't seem to accept this.
And yes, I know it's unfair to compare, but it's incredibly frustrating. He can't remember all kinds of details from his As this past year. When he gave me a timeline, it was months off in multiple areas. He still can't tell me how many times or which days he and LTA MOW met, with the exception of the two that show up on our toll road transponder.
It frustrates and saddens me that I am willing to get past his lack of details, because I realize he may never figure them out, but he isn't able to do the same for me. I think that him working on himself and his why is more important. I do still ask questions occasionally, but I don't bombard him. But he keeps pressing me for details that I just don't have.
It's not that I don't want to answer them. I don't have more answers to give. Though I am trying to work on my why, via IC and reading.
I am starting to think this was a deal breaker for my husband.
Any advice, behind continuing to answer with what little I have and working on myself? I don't know what else to do.
[This message edited by SpotlessMind at 3:27 PM, January 29th (Wednesday)]