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Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

User Topic: Happy Birthday to me = trigger
scangel3
♀ 36164
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The one day in they're A that there were no phone calls and no texts was my birthday, at first I took some pride in that, thinking well at least he cared enough to stay away on my birthday, but then I realized that they still worked together that day and they could have communicated other ways that day.

Almost all ddays in his 9 month A were either on a birthday or on the birthday party, except his and our oldest sons but his adoption day is tainted by the beginning of his A so yeah. Our daughters 5th birthday was my initial dday, our youngest sons birthday party he spent most of texting her on his phone trying to make me believe they were over and he was not talking to her he was just talking to other people or just playing on his phone (he stood by this story even after I pulled up the phone records), our God sons birthday I kicked him out after finding out the A went underground and my nieces birthday is the following day of our god sons, so yeah I was still dealing with that. His birthday is the only one not tainted, how is that fair?

It's my birthday today, but all I'm thinking about is what he was doing 4 years ago without my knowledge, I was clueless, and planning my daughters birthday is extremely difficult. Why did his choices have to come out on such important days? Why couldn't they be just random days that have no significance? Birthdays are supposed to be happy times of celebrating life, not reminders of what your husband did behind your back and against your wedding vows!!!


Today I'm 31, today I am supposed to be enjoying life and what the year has in store, but instead I'm on a tail spin, losing control rapidly, I've had to drop my classes this term, my anxiety is thru the roof,I'm just simply not dealing very well at all with the way my life is going. 4 years ago (as of March 1st) I was in school and thriving there, I was able to set aside my home life and my wh's choices for those few hours, but now even my birthday sends me spiraling out of control. This is not how I expected to spend my 31st birthday!!!

Thanks for letting me get that out


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Scange13)))


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198816 | Registered: May 2002
Frankie80
♀ 41323
Member # 41323
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can remember talking to my H after dday about how glad I was (!!!) that his A wasn't happening on my, his, our DS Birthdays or our anniversary. It felt important somehow that those dates were untarnished. Of course lots of TT and broken NC later I had to give up on that idea!
It really sucks doesn't it? I too turned 31 just after dday and I can remember thinking 'I'm too young for this to be my life'
((Scange13))

[This message edited by Frankie80 at 7:27 AM, January 30th (Thursday)]


Me BW
Him WH
Married 5yrs, together 8
DS & DD
DDay 1 18.07.13, 7month PA co-worker
DDay 2 29.09.2013 (continued EA, kissed once)
Working on R

Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: UK
scangel3
♀ 36164
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It SUCKS, our wedding anniversary and his Birthdays are the only days not tainted by his choices, although our marriage and vows are tainted the most. I just wish I could celebrate a birthday without triggering!!! Even ow's birthday is during the A season, although he swears they didn't do anything or buy her anything for her birthday, even though this was when they were deciding to leave their bs's for each other, so I find it hard to believe he didn't do anything for her or get her something. I even had a car at the time with a license plate wld816, which was her birthday and then the wld added on like wild, drove me crazy,and this was a total coincidence. I will never forget her birthday!!!

[This message edited by scangel3 at 9:18 PM, January 30th (Thursday)]


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
Sunset22
♀ 42025
Member # 42025
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My birthday was in October last year and my husband talked to her that day even though he didn't see her. We took pictures as a family, now I can't even look at them. How can they pretend that nothing was happening right? :( I found out about the affair last month, 3 days before our anniversary.


DDay - December 2013 and January 2014

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014
million tears
♀ 24416
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((scangel3))) Happy Birthday

I know how bad tainted days suck. Maybe you could go buy yourself a present and forget about the assholes for a while. I know, easier said than done.

Since my WH had a LTA, every holiday is tainted for me. There were always texts or phone calls, maybe even sex. Even on both anniversaries, when we were away for the occasion, he was in contact with her. I'm sure he was saying how awful it was to be with me. During the A I sent him a text on my birthday. He waited 4 hours to text me back. During that time he texted her nonstop. I really feel for you. It's sad when they can turn a special day into one of misery.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 6

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