Hi Tesseract,
A couple of thoughts:
It really is all my fault.
This is a very blanket statement, which makes me wary. When you think in terms like these, it becomes easy to be daunted and discouraged by the enormity of 'putting everything right', or even resentful toward other people's view of what that entails (which will never be identical to yours).
You've probably come across communication tips that say, Don't Generalize. This (like most 'communication', really) needs to be implemented in your thoughts first. So stop thinking and saying 'it all' and start engaging with a small part of it in more detail. I imagine you must feel a lot of pressure to make things better just now, but trying to make the whole thing happen at once as if by magic is never going to work. (Difficult to accept for those of us that are somewhat invested in being unusually capable, I know!)
I tried to control my reactions and thus them and I was wrong for all of it.
Trying to control the people around you by controlling yourself sounds very much like a coping mechanism which you developed at some point as a response to the circumstances you were in at the time. You're no longer there, and this mechanism is now very harmful to you. It's great that you're seeing that.
Remember: The coping mechanism is the problem. Your desire to affect your world (including the people in it) is not wrong - in fact, I think it's very central to being alive. You can't actually control the world (especially not the people), and you have to accept that, but you do deserve to feel safe, just like everybody else deserves. But in order honor your needs, you have to know more about them. So separate the effects you'd like to achieve from the harmful habits you've attached them to, and listen carefully to what you need at any moment. (That will also make it easier to listen to others.)
