I think I've come to the conclusion over the last couple days that talking about the A frequently just isn't that healthy anymore.
It seems like whenever we do talk about it extensively, something my WBF says just upsets me more. And it's not even like he's telling me new information, maybe he's just saying it in a different way.
I believe that I know everything there is to know about the A (within reason) and asking for different answers to things he's ALREADY answered is only hurting me more.
I'm just beating a dead horse!!
It causes blow up fights because I get so upset, and nothing he says or does fixes it. Because lets be honest...there's really nothing a WBF/Spouse could do to fix it! They can't take it back, that's for sure.
Maybe I sound crazy to some of you, but I'm beginning to think that if I really love my BF and want to work on this relationship, its in my best interest to stop dwelling, stop expecting his answers to make me feel better.
The truth is, THERE IS NO MAGIC ANSWER.
I think I've been waiting for him to say this magic sentence...the one that makes me go:
"Oh!! I understand why you cheated now!!"
Its never going to happen. All I can ask for is transparency,honesty,remorse and compassion, and for him to put the effort in to show me he wants to be in this relationship.
I've obviously decided that I'm not leaving him, so why am I going to make the rest of my life miserable? It's just not worth it. I want to be happy.
I'm not saying NEVER talk about it. Of course there will be times where I'll need to talk about it.
Has anyone else come to this realization ever?
I want to be happy. If I'm not happy, then there's no point.
He may have been the one to damage this ship, but I don't want to sink it...