BW – Me, 32 FWH - Him, 33
A few weeks ago we had a few scary conversations teetering on the brink of separation. Anyway, it really seemed that fwh made a break through. From that point forward, he was able to admit that there were internal issues to address vs his A being a product of solely external factors. And restarted IC and (per the counselor) was an active participant, which he was not prior.
Two weeks ago fwh confessed to me that although he had no plans to follow through, he had feelings that he wanted to contact OW. I brought my concerns here and you guys put things in perspective. He happened to have an IC appt the next day. His homework was to write a letter to her and to read it aloud at his next appt (which was yesterday).
I didn't know about this exercise until he came bounding home from counseling yesterday, excited to share his letter with me. He said that he knew one part would be hard for me to hear, but overall he thought it would be good for me to hear.
Nearly the entire thing cut me like a knife. I know he was disappointed in my reaction. I did tell him that I appreciated him opening up to me. And he did have a paragraph talking about how I stood by him at his worst, even when I wasn't sure that we'd make it. He also talked about his vision of our future together.
But I couldn't get past a few things he included. He opened it with something along the lines of "I've missed you and there hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about you.". And then he ended it with something like "although I don't hate you and I'm not angry with you, I hope I never see you again.
He argued that the first paragraph was past tense. I don't see it that way. He talks about how he knows that the person he knew
wasn't real - that it was all fantasy. But, his letter doesn't sound like that. It sounds to me that he still has feelings for her, but doesn't plan on acting on it because I will leave.
I've always said that I don't want him to remain NC with her because I'm requiring it, but because he sees her for who she is and doesn't want to contact her. Is that unreasonable? I'm currently fighting the urge to give up and flee. Is he still in the fog? We didn't have too much time to discuss the letter last night before he needed to leave for work, so I expect another conversation today and I'm just looking for some outside perspective.
Married 9 years, together for 14
3 Kids: 5 yrs, 3 yrs, 18 months
MOW - my "friend"
DD#1 – July 2012, admitted to an EA
DD#2 – 1/14/13, finally admitted to PA