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P.M.S. and Infidelity Roller Coaster

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whiteflower99 posted 1/30/2014 16:12 PM

Ok, I've been logging because it seems that every month or so I get hopeless and decide I want a divorce. After a week or so, everything evens out and I'm ok.
My question is, does anyone else notice this (there was a post in general a while ago) and more importantly, WHAT CAN I DO?

My Dr. has me on hormonal cream, but really, it isn't enough and I don't have the money (yet) for anything crazy. I am only 45, don't think it is the change, and my mother can't remember when she went through menopause and there are no other living women in our family (scary thought, that).

roses303 posted 1/30/2014 16:18 PM

I wish I knew. I'm even on the pill (to prevent ovarian cysts more than pregnancy) so I can time my hormonal swings to the day. But I don't know what to do to prevent those days of raging emotions that hit me once a month. I'm currently waiting for the wellspring of tears and/or rage to hit in a few days.

musiclovingmom posted 1/30/2014 17:10 PM

I don't have any ideas to help you combat this (other than that dreaded time word), but wanted you to know that I experienced this too. And it is awful. Hugs to you.

lostworld posted 1/30/2014 17:24 PM

OMG PMS made me crazy before my H's A; after the A, it was life-altering crazy. Our MC, who also did IC w/ the two of us, could tell just from my posture when I was PMSing. It definitely added a huge additional burden to R'ing. I would rationally respond to whatever we were currently working on, then a week or 2 later, PMS would hit and nothing previously agreed on or worked through would make sense.

I don't have any silver bullet for this complicating factor. My H and I worked on recognizing when I was suffering PMS and trying not to allow my disjointed thoughts and actions to overrule the work we had done. I even kept a calendar in our closet where I charted my periods and moods. Each day I would put a check mark on the calendar representing my mood. A green check mark meant all was good, a yellow meant that I was feeling a little on edge, and red meant that I was full on PMSing. For several months, I used 3 check marks a day for morning, afternoon, and evening. This calendar helped both my H and myself see where I was currently, as well as begin to anticipate when hard times were coming so that we could prepare ourselves. We shared this information with our therapist so she could help in sessions during the rough times.

Obviously it was also helpful for me to own my PMS and tell my H that I was approaching the "danger zone." He would reassure me that he'd support me through it, and we really worked at our communication during that time. We utilized the "time out" often during PMS. If I seemed really off, he'd ask me or look at the calendar to see if we were in a bad time, then he'd ask me if we could table a discussion until the following week or another time. If I felt unable to wait, we'd try to have the discussion, but if it became too heated, either of us would request a time out (we'd respectfully say that things seemed too hot, that we didn't want to do more harm to our relationship, and that we'd like an hour or a day-whatever-to let it alone and then meet again to resume the conversation; we'd decide exactly when and where we'd attempt the conversation again so that it didn't get forgotten or set aside.) This helped, but still wasn't the magic solution.

I also found a wonderful OB/GYN who worked with my hormones, as well as prescribed an anti-anxiety med to use during the worst of my symptoms. The med was critical for me. I was 43-44 when all of this was going on and only realized later that I was perimenopausal during that time. I am now 50, and I can tell you that I am doing much much better as menopause draws closer and closer. All in all, as I reread my post, it seems that I have not been as helpful as I would like, but if nothing else comes of this at least you can know that you are not crazy and that others have stood where you are and made it through. Hang in there, whiteflower, it gets better.

rachelc posted 1/30/2014 18:23 PM

I was almost suicidal two days ago... I realized it was probably "that time" and took a Lexapro specifically for this purpose. I was a little late on it. It makes a huge difference.
Anyone tracking when I have a meltdown on here would notice it's once a month.

MairISaoirse posted 1/30/2014 20:30 PM

I go through this too. when I PMS, even before the As, i would get thoughts of leaving even though everything was fine. Just gotta fight through it, and ask yourself the same questions in a few days.

Scubachick posted 1/31/2014 00:01 AM

Me too! I'm convinced I want a divorce once a month. Both times I've kicked him out I had PMS. I even get on my own nerves during this time.

rachelc posted 1/31/2014 06:32 AM

I have to say to myself - don't do anything stupid Rachelc... no big decisions here.. vigorous exercise helps too.

Neverwudaguessed posted 1/31/2014 09:47 AM

OMG! I thought this was just in my head! A week before my period, I feel more despair and what previously made sense no longer does. What I once made peace with I am all of a sudden unable to accept anymore. I am sorry for you guys for experiencing this complicating factor in the already crazy roller coaster, but I am glad to hear that I am not crazy! (at least with regard to this….)

JustShine posted 1/31/2014 12:42 PM

I'm dealing with this right this second. Starting last night I've been a sobbing mess. Every single thing has made me feel hopeless about ever being able to get through this. Stuff that didn't bother me yesterday suddenly seems like a deal breaker.

I hate this so so much.

whiteflower99 posted 1/31/2014 17:57 PM

Well at least we are all crazy together. This is my "I want a divorce" week.
I just feel like he isn't going to change, he doesn't really wantto and it seems nothing he does is ever going to make the past 18 years up.
So why bother?
Bit on the other hand, the thought of being alone or seeing him with someone else isn't very appealing. I know, I know, not a good reason to stay in the marriage but dammit!

whereismylove posted 1/31/2014 18:04 PM

Oh yeah I had a nervous break down during pms this month. I've also had many d days this month so. Omg though, it was just so awful I cried at everything just a dark scary place!

Blobette posted 1/31/2014 18:25 PM

I'm reading this following a full-on, hard-sobbing, lunatic meltdown. I have been near-suicidal (and that's not hyperbole)for the last few days. I never had PMS until recently. I don't know if it's peri menopause or what. I feel like I'm barely holding it together.


This, too, shall pass.


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