SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

iamsoblind42 posted 1/30/2014 18:43 PM

Got a job offer today.

I own my own company, have for years but hired my WH last Summer to take over as CEO.

Everyone keeps asking me why I just don't take control of my company back but there was a reason I hired my WH last Summer, I was burned out. I am still the owner, president and sole Board of Directors and still draw a paycheck from the company but fear that alone with child support it will not be enough to maintain my current lifestyle and I don't want to drain my savings. I don't want my kids to have to suffer anymore than they already have.

Trying to decide if it's better to be home when they get home from school each day knowing I will have to make some financial cuts, or take the job.

The job is simple and pays really well and I think it might be good to be in a big company with lots of new people I do not know.

It's only been 3 weeks since DDay. Anyone with kids have any advice?

Gemini71 posted 1/30/2014 19:21 PM

I'm not a very good example. I'm a long time SAHM and tried getting a part-time job. I ended up in the hospital the day I was supposed to start. But I'm in a unique situation where my parents are supporting us financially.

Only you know if the new job will help you emotionally. That's the criteria I'd look at for this. Savings accounts are for rainy days, and its pouring at your house. Also, are the kids used to you being home for them? How well do you think they would take to the transition?

From some of your other posts, you seem like the type of person who is happiest while in control and busy. (I could be wrong.) Do what will make you feel best about yourself. If worst comes to worst, you can always quit. It is so amazing that you are even offered this new job in the midst of all the chaos in your life. Good luck.

Skan posted 1/30/2014 19:52 PM

He's already signed the financial settlement and the legal separation right? So you making more money won't give him more money?

Here's the thing about a job. If it doesn't work out, you can always quit. Right now, it might be really affirming to you, to have a new outlet that pays. Because you have a fall-back position.

Heal&Deal posted 1/30/2014 21:00 PM

Congrats! A job offer is a nice affirmation!

The thing with divorce is that it is intense emotionally and usually financially, so you will need to balance those things. However, if you can swing the bills, it might be wise to delay your start date, if possible.

During my divorce I often had a hard time sleeping, had roller coaster emotions and had to take off of work to get my ducks in a row, visit attorneys, etc. An exhausted, emotional you, asking for time off to handle a divorce, might not allow you to put your best foot forward in a new job.

Also, I found it helpful to see a therapist and join a support group to help me work through the emotions of grieving the loss of my marriage. If you have the opportunity for some short term free time, it might be good to use it to start the healing process.

Last point, it might help to have a less congested schedule as you transition into single parenthood. It is a tough gig - rewarding and doable, but tough nonetheless. Might also benefit the kids to have you in your normal role/rhythm as they adjust.

All of that said, if this is an offer that will not wait and the numbers indicate that you should start earning, well lady, fake it until you make it. It is hard to work full time while grieving, transitioning and managing a divorce, but it can be done. I did it as have many other of the folks on this board.

Again, many congrats on the job offer! Toasting you from here!

Heal&Deal posted 1/30/2014 21:02 PM

double post

[This message edited by Heal&Deal at 9:02 PM, January 30th (Thursday)]

BAB61 posted 1/30/2014 22:56 PM

((iamsoblind42)) whatever you decide to do ... much success to you!

Pass posted 1/31/2014 08:52 AM

Take that job, friend! I'm also self-employed, but have started applying for jobs. Now that I live alone from Monday to Friday, I yearn for a water-cooler to talk around, and people to drop by my office with problems for me to fix.

Do it!

Artemisia posted 1/31/2014 10:38 AM

Everyone has great advice above, but ultimately I'm with pass. Do it!

Granted, you are MUCH closer to the trauma, but I say Do It because about 5-6 months after D-day, I took a new job, and it has been one of the best things I've done for myself in this alleged new beginning. New people, new tasks, new places to go every day, new challenges, new successes, even new frustrating things - it's such a sure-fire way to set yourself on a new path, whatever that may be. The delayed start-date advice above might be a good way to split the difference.

It can go either way, but in my experience this change has turned out to be so positive. For me, I was ready for a change from my old job even before things hit the fan, which sounds similar to you. And if it turns out to not be the right fit, it's not a life sentence - you can always quit or move on. As people say above, it's a doubly stressful time to be making a big change, and sometimes I think about how I was be a better employee before I felt so f-ed up emotionally, but overall - it has been so, so so good. And for folks like you and I, we've got to work somewhere, right?

Just another step towards the new you.

k94ever posted 1/31/2014 14:20 PM

How old are the kids?

k9

iamsoblind42 posted 2/15/2014 01:29 AM

Kids are 16 and 11. I start the new job on a March 3rd.

Thank you all for the advice.

myowndystopia posted 2/15/2014 08:48 AM

I'm also of the opinion to take the job knowing if it's too much for you or the kids you can quit. Your kids are older and will be able to understand and you don't have to worry about after school care. When opportunity knocks.......

movingforward13 posted 2/15/2014 16:54 PM

Same day I start my new job. I will be thinking of you. congrats!

Gemini71 posted 2/15/2014 17:01 PM

Congrats! Good luck on the new job. Make it a part of your positive new beginning.