SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

GradSchoolGirl posted 1/30/2014 20:08 PM

[This message edited by GradSchoolGirl at 9:50 PM, January 30th (Thursday)]

jjsr posted 1/30/2014 20:19 PM

I think you already know the answer to what it is your asking. I think it feels good on some level that he says he wants to be with you again, that he knows he was a douche in your marriage etc. For me with his history, it will be more of the same. Sorry that it may not be what you want to hear.

annb posted 1/30/2014 20:32 PM

Hi, GSG, welcome to SI. You have come to a great place for information and support.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with jjsr, your husband has basically cheated almost your entire marriage, has probably put you and your children through emotional hell....now you and your family are beginning a new, stable life, and he has an epiphany? I'd continue on the forward path with your life away from the heartache and drama.

BTW, you really need to get tested for STDs if you haven't already.

mainlyinpain posted 1/30/2014 20:44 PM

I'd think long and hard if you believe that he will sustain this epiphany.
In five or ten more years, as he becomes bored or needs some ego-boosting will he maybe think he can cheat a little?
How about fifteen or twenty years?
Do you really see him as a man who can FOREVER be with only you? Has he ever gone a period of years doing that?

You don't have to feel pressured to make a decision either. Tell him you hear what he is saying, are glad he is having such self-discovery, but right now you are too traumatized to entertain a change in your relationship.

GradSchoolGirl posted 1/30/2014 21:21 PM

Thanks for the comments.:)
Don't worry annb, there is no sexual contact unless HE gets tested, which he's doing. And even then, we've both discussed waiting until we're remarried so sex is off the plate...
And to mainlyinpain, that's basically where we're at. He has said he will wait as long as it takes because he has learned that there is no happiness without his family. I'm really more interested in how his therapy goes...he has a lot of childhood trauma that has contributed to his crap and I'll be interested to see if that helps him maintain the changes.
I guess I'm at a place of not being too concerned with his future behavior because, truth be told, he is COMPLETELY different. I was never married to the guy he is now. I can tell the change is sincere. However, I've changed too and don't know if new me can be with new him because I don't WANT to slog through the pain of the past again...and even if he never cheats again, it's always there, ya know? I tell him that he needs to go find someone else that he can have a fresh start with cuz we have too much baggage and he maintains that he knows he can only be happy cleaning up his mess and trying to heal whatever he can here. So, my question is has anyone divorced and then reconciled? How did it work? How did you deal with the hurt/anger/trust issues as they arose? I can also see a change in the kids already just having him around, not having to go to two homes, etc., but that's not enough for me to throw my hat back in the ring. Anyone been here, done that?

forgivingnow posted 1/30/2014 21:24 PM

Sent you a PM.

SI Staff posted 1/31/2014 06:53 AM

GradSchoolGirl,

You have a PM.