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Newest Member: sponger77 (61470)

User Topic: Now what...
♀ 42273
Member # 42273
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by GradSchoolGirl at 9:50 PM, January 30th (Thursday)]

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: GradSchoolGirl
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you already know the answer to what it is your asking. I think it feels good on some level that he says he wants to be with you again, that he knows he was a douche in your marriage etc. For me with his history, it will be more of the same. Sorry that it may not be what you want to hear.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.

Posts: 1849 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
♀ 22386
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, GSG, welcome to SI. You have come to a great place for information and support.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with jjsr, your husband has basically cheated almost your entire marriage, has probably put you and your children through emotional you and your family are beginning a new, stable life, and he has an epiphany? I'd continue on the forward path with your life away from the heartache and drama.

BTW, you really need to get tested for STDs if you haven't already.

Posts: 9782 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
♀ 39134
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd think long and hard if you believe that he will sustain this epiphany.
In five or ten more years, as he becomes bored or needs some ego-boosting will he maybe think he can cheat a little?
How about fifteen or twenty years?
Do you really see him as a man who can FOREVER be with only you? Has he ever gone a period of years doing that?

You don't have to feel pressured to make a decision either. Tell him you hear what he is saying, are glad he is having such self-discovery, but right now you are too traumatized to entertain a change in your relationship.

Posts: 602 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 42273
Member # 42273
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the comments.:)
Don't worry annb, there is no sexual contact unless HE gets tested, which he's doing. And even then, we've both discussed waiting until we're remarried so sex is off the plate...
And to mainlyinpain, that's basically where we're at. He has said he will wait as long as it takes because he has learned that there is no happiness without his family. I'm really more interested in how his therapy goes...he has a lot of childhood trauma that has contributed to his crap and I'll be interested to see if that helps him maintain the changes.
I guess I'm at a place of not being too concerned with his future behavior because, truth be told, he is COMPLETELY different. I was never married to the guy he is now. I can tell the change is sincere. However, I've changed too and don't know if new me can be with new him because I don't WANT to slog through the pain of the past again...and even if he never cheats again, it's always there, ya know? I tell him that he needs to go find someone else that he can have a fresh start with cuz we have too much baggage and he maintains that he knows he can only be happy cleaning up his mess and trying to heal whatever he can here. So, my question is has anyone divorced and then reconciled? How did it work? How did you deal with the hurt/anger/trust issues as they arose? I can also see a change in the kids already just having him around, not having to go to two homes, etc., but that's not enough for me to throw my hat back in the ring. Anyone been here, done that?

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: GradSchoolGirl
♀ 33549
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sent you a PM.

Me-BS 54
M 34 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.

Posts: 731 | Registered: Oct 2011
SI Staff
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 6:53 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You have a PM.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Topic Posts: 7

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