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deadroses (original poster new member #40710) posted at 6:00 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
He was always the person I leaned on.....he was my man....he was my rock....he answered all of my questions.....he was my best friend....he was the person I trusted......how in the world can I ever get that back......Oh my God. He says that he would never hurt me like that again......but why hurt me like that in the first place?
WH....him
BS....me
two month affair with a supposed friend....more like a filthy whore
R.....it's going well (so far)
BeautifulEmpty ( member #38763) posted at 9:11 AM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
It hurts beyond belief...it rips the rose tinted glasses off your face so rudely...so now, you look at him with clearer eyes and decide if you can like who he is now.
I don't know when your dday is but if it's fairly recent and you think you might like to R, spend some real time looking at him with those more piercing eyes. Don't decide quickly but really look. His actions (not his mouth) will tell you what you need to know.
My H, when asked how he could pretend that we were best friends etc...said that we are! He just thought I'd be stronger and okay with him having a girlfriend.
>.<
They make no real sense and honestly? Their poor behavior and choices have nothing much to do with us. As much as it hurts, he wasn't thinking of you at all.
You can be burned over that or you can take the little positive ray of light...he didn't do it because you did anything wrong.
It's all hard. I'm sorry.
(((Hugs)))
Me: 44 BS
Him: 40 FWS
Ow: 47 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 23, 20, 19, 17, 12
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 5:15 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 5:17 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I am so sorry. We all wonder this if we try to R. If he is committed, yes, you can probably get it back. If he isn't remorseful, it will not happen. But in the first case: time will help. And he should help as much as possible too!
(((hugs)))
hopingforhappy ( member #29288) posted at 5:26 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
It has taken a long time, but my FWH and I both understand now that he was really hurting himself by his actions and I was just the collateral damage. That, of course, doesn't make the pain any less painful, but it does help to understand that the intent was not to hurt you. Your WH is damaged in some way. If he can do the work to figure out what that is and how to fix it, you can feel safe again. It will take lots of time, it is not easy, but if you are both willing to do the work, it can be totally worth it.
((deadroses))
Me--BW (57)
Him--FWH (54)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 21 years
DS-19, DD-16
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!
Sunset22 ( new member #42025) posted at 8:08 PM on Friday, January 31st, 2014
I've been wondering the same things! I'm sad looking at our old pics because I can't look at him the same way anymore :(
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