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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: How?
deadroses
♀ 40710
Member # 40710
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was always the person I leaned on.....he was my man....he was my rock....he answered all of my questions.....he was my best friend....he was the person I trusted......how in the world can I ever get that back......Oh my God. He says that he would never hurt me like that again......but why hurt me like that in the first place?


WH....him

BS....me

two month affair with a supposed friend....more like a filthy whore

R.....it's going well (so far)


Posts: 35 | Registered: Sep 2013
BeautifulEmpty
♀ 38763
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It hurts beyond belief...it rips the rose tinted glasses off your face so rudely...so now, you look at him with clearer eyes and decide if you can like who he is now.
I don't know when your dday is but if it's fairly recent and you think you might like to R, spend some real time looking at him with those more piercing eyes. Don't decide quickly but really look. His actions (not his mouth) will tell you what you need to know.
My H, when asked how he could pretend that we were best friends etc...said that we are! He just thought I'd be stronger and okay with him having a girlfriend.
>.<

They make no real sense and honestly? Their poor behavior and choices have nothing much to do with us. As much as it hurts, he wasn't thinking of you at all.
You can be burned over that or you can take the little positive ray of light...he didn't do it because you did anything wrong.
It's all hard. I'm sorry.

(((Hugs)))


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((deadroses)))


Posts: 36802 | Registered: Mar 2011
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. We all wonder this if we try to R. If he is committed, yes, you can probably get it back. If he isn't remorseful, it will not happen. But in the first case: time will help. And he should help as much as possible too!


(((hugs)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
hopingforhappy
♀ 29288
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has taken a long time, but my FWH and I both understand now that he was really hurting himself by his actions and I was just the collateral damage. That, of course, doesn't make the pain any less painful, but it does help to understand that the intent was not to hurt you. Your WH is damaged in some way. If he can do the work to figure out what that is and how to fix it, you can feel safe again. It will take lots of time, it is not easy, but if you are both willing to do the work, it can be totally worth it.

((deadroses))


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1378 | Registered: Aug 2010
Sunset22
♀ 42025
Member # 42025
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been wondering the same things! I'm sad looking at our old pics because I can't look at him the same way anymore :(


DDay - December 2013 and January 2014

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 6

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