I know she is awake right now. I might get to talk to her one last time before Monday. I have around six hours until I can get some peace in my head. I really don't think she would tell me the truth if there is one final goodbye. If there is a goodbye, she will have gone back on what she said again. All I can do right now is sit here, drink my beer, and hope I get honesty.
Kids are finally in bed. No more craziness from that department for a few hours. For an hour earlier they were holding a dance contest between themselves with no music. I don't think any of them won.
Then I think of the airport. It's already gonna be late when we pick her up. I'm debating on keeping kids from school the next day. There are gonna be other families there. All happy to see each other, and while somewhere I might have a bit of that left, I don't think I can embrace her. The tears will be there, but not for the reason I will want. Maybe she'll get lucky and everyone will think I'm just some guy. Some poor schmuck bringing this awesome volunteer of our country her family.
I was a crappy husband, I get that. No matter how far into the darkness I fell though, no matter the amount of opportunities I could of had just for being one of the few and proud, she was never in this kind of pain. She may have been angry and disappointed, but never had a reason to doubt me.
Time to go choke down some more food and make shadow puppets under the covers. It's gonna be a long night.