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Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: My son died...
lonely2009
♀ 26370
Member # 26370
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wasn't going to post because anyone who know me IRL will now know that I am here. But, I need to hear from others who have experienced the same thing.


My beautiful 24YO son died unexpectedly in his sleep. His wife of one year, was due to give birth just four days after his death.

He died two days before Christmas , his autopsy was on Christmas and he was buried two days later. CHristmas season will never be the same.

My first and only grandchild was born early January.

I am still processing his death and have no interest in seeing grandchild just yet. Most don't understand this. Keep saying GC is a blessing.No, having my son is a blessing. Plus, my GC lives 1500 miles away and my DIL and I were never close and it is very awkward.

Found a box with all of my previous Mother's Day cards, BD cards, etc. Can barely breathe.

How do my DH and I process.



BS- Me -young at heart
FWH- AARP Eligible
M - Over a quarter of a century
DDay - 9-14-09
R - going full steam ahead

Posts: 323 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: West Coast
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hugs))))

My condolences on the loss of your son.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53324 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
gahurts
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, lonely


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3523 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Exit Wounds
♀ 32811
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am SO sorry! You and your husband and your entire family are in my prayers. I have no advice, just want to tell you I am here if you need to talk. PM me if you want to talk...anytime.
I have no words...I am so sorry!

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry. ((lonely))


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7865 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
ISPIFFD
♀ 26367
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ohhhhh, so many hugs for you!!!!!


Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1906 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you strength and plenty of (((HUGS)))


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
ajsmom
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are no words for this pain.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

(((lonely2008)


AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21117 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lonely)))


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4247 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
meaniemouse
♀ 10798
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are no words that can convey how sorry I am for your tremendous and unexpected loss. I can't imagine what you must be dealing with right now. My hope and prayer for you is that even as you grieve your son's passing you can be comforted by the love you had for each other and know that it never dies. Please take care and allow yourself to mourn in the way that is right for you. No one should make you feel like you have to do anything that adds to your pain and grief.

Wishing you strength and peace as you face what is ahead.


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2146 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
wanauld
♀ 19045
Member # 19045
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sorry. We lost our son in September in a car accident. He was the same age as yours. For me, I have to take the emotions as they come and lean on family and friends. Day by day, it get's "easier" to process, but the sadness lingers. It just takes time and lot's of it. There will be triggers, one moment you are having a "good" day and something will pop up, a reminder, that brings you to your knees in pain. You have to just feel it and talk about.

You may feel guilty at times, when you are having a decent day, and you stop and question yourself "why am I smiling? I should be sad." Again, you work your way through it.

Talk about him, talk to him, talk to yourself, talk to friends.

You'll find you are stronger than you think you are right now.

Again, so very sorry. I understand.


If you want closure, start with your legs.

Posts: 331 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Virginia
betrayedfriend
♀ 19785
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very sorry for your loss and I can understand not knowing how to feel about the baby. I do think you have a chance to carry on a bond with your son by being his child's grandparent. But you have to take it at your own pace. My condolances to you, his wife and child.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 888 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
somanyyears
♂ 26970
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..

(((((((((lonely2009 and family/friends)))))))))

..sending prayers..

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4134 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
JanaGreen
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. It's so incredibly unfair.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lonely, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there were some words to take some of the pain away but I know there aren't any.

wanauld, you are in my thoughts as well.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38930 | Registered: Sep 2007
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lonely)))


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5758 | Registered: Aug 2007
StillLivin
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lonely)))


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2556 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
whensitover
♀ 31207
Member # 31207
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no words....but sending you prayers and hugs and strength!! (((((lonely)))))

Posts: 452 | Registered: Feb 2011
lonely2009
♀ 26370
Member # 26370
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for all the hugs.

things I have learned thru this process:

1. I hate sympathy cards.

2. People have no idea what to say, so they say really inappropriate things, for example, at the funeral, a former coworker came up to me and started telling me about a great lunch he just with his DS. such a great talk they had. Good grief. like that was helpful.

3. MY DH and i are on the same page, in all aspects of our life. We

4. Life is so short, we are going to do what we want.

5. My DS's ashes are sitting on the front entry table. I say goodbye, hello and basically talk to him every day. I am very grateful my DIL was gracious to share his ashes with us.


BS- Me -young at heart
FWH- AARP Eligible
M - Over a quarter of a century
DDay - 9-14-09
R - going full steam ahead

Posts: 323 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: West Coast
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, January 31st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm holding you in the LIGHT. I'm so sorry...


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3861 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Topic Posts: 87
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