(Read my story for background)
So last week, I told my WW that in order for this marriage to work she would have to give up her toxic friends that condone and encourage her adulterous behavior, mainly one of her best friends who is also good friends with OM's wife (and we're pretty sure she is screwing around with OM too). She fought me over it and eventually agreed to do it, but then used her work email to email this friend after NC was sent to tell her she was only doing it because I wanted her to and not to email/text because I was tracking her accounts. Upon discovering this I blew up and left the house. She tried to force me to stay and wouldn't let me leave. Before you suggest that, no I didn't hit her. I don't know if she got tired of the resistance or if she realized I was going to leave no matter what, but she eventually let me go.
So this is where I truly started 180. I was done. That' it, fat lady singing, stick a fork in it. Done. I paid for a website to start doing my divorce papers. I tried to limit my contact to only business related conversations. I still needed information from her for the divorce decree. I stopped being sad, I stopped being argumentative, I stopped asking questions. I blasted her on facebook for all her friends and family to see. I was done with this marriage. I legitimately was moving on with my life. I was beginning to imagine a future without her, her family, or any of her friends. This is where I think she truly woke up. She said she tried to move on as well but couldn't. She begged me for the next few days to go see the counselor with her and I declined, saying there wasn't much reason since I am moving forward with the divorce. Everyone knows we're getting divorced and her friends are busy filling her head with shit about how I am abusive and controlling and overly possessive of her. I have never struck her in anger once, and before I discovered her cheating I never tracked anything of hers. They all just want to get in her pants anyway, I have washed my hands of all these people. This is where she woke up, and finally realized just what kind of people her friends were. Why I never liked them, and how they actually want to see this divorce happen because then she will be much more available to them.
I eventually decided to go see the counselor with her. Wow, just wow. These people are amazing. I couldn't believe how she was able to pick apart so many feelings we were experiencing and problems we were having. In a short 45 minutes, my perception of this whole situation was changed dramatically. I guess I started to see more of the why. She didn't take sides, she didn't judge. Everyone we had talked to before her, always seemed to be picking a side and blaming the other more. The biggest confidence booster she gave me was to tell me that everything I am experiencing and doing is 100% normal. I really needed to hear that after basically all her friends were saying I was being controlling, abusive, and making her into a prisoner. I am starting to come around and I think this might actually have a chance.
So, have other people turned it around when all seemed lost and you started moving forward with D? Do WS's typically wait until this last second to actually commit to changing themselves? Am I setting myself up to be hurt again by staying the D?
Me - BS 27
Her - WW 26 (Neveragain1221)
Started Dating 12/08/07
Married 04/03/12
D-day#1 05/02/12 Gaslighting, Rugsweeping
D-day#2 01/03/14 Confrontation about D-day#1, got confession
4 year EA and PA, TT, Affair began less than 1 year after we