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heartbroken777 posted 1/31/2014 11:31 AM

I did tell my husband if he wants the OW , then leave and go to her, if he wants to save this marriage then he better step up and do something about it or I will see an attorney. I'm not going to let him destroy me. God help me I still love him, but I deserve better. I have given him my entire life to him
( willingly) but I don't know the person he has become. Some people say its a mid life crisis, he said it felt good to do something reckless! For god sake you want to do something reckless jump out of a plane or something like that. To cheat on me is devastating to me and my kids. I haven't told any one else yet except my best friend. I want to tell my parents but my Mom is not in the best of health and this would kill her. Same goes for his family his parents would be devastated. I'm not saying I won't tell them, but I have to figure things out first. His actions will hurt and have an effect on so many ! What the hell was he thinking??? Hoping for a better day!
Posts: 6 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Jersey

Skan posted 1/31/2014 13:07 PM

Amen, sister! You have it exactly right!

In all honesty, you should go see an attorney anyway just so you know what your rights are and to get that first "getting to know you" meeting out of the way with a lawyer. It is money WELL spent. I do not regret one penny that I spent talking to my lawyer. Even though my FWH and I are R, I still have her information and her phone number in my phone. Call it my security blanket.

Keepcalm posted 1/31/2014 20:30 PM

An affair is sooo selfish. It hurts many people and will cause pain for years to come. I would go to MC, plus see a lawyer so you know what to expect if you do divorce, and keep a little bit of cash stashed in case he wants to be reckless again.
Good Luck

Gotmegood posted 1/31/2014 21:09 PM

What was he thinking?
Only about himself, that's certain. I believe betraying trust in that way, for an orgasm, is perhaps the most self-centered choice I can think of. And then the bomb goes off in your life, leaving you to deal with the mess he created. Pretending that your life is 'normal', for children, parents and other family members is exhausting. You have a long road ahead. Eat well if you can, and grab sleep whenever you can. Good luck, so sorry you're here.

heartbroken777 posted 2/1/2014 00:32 AM

Skan, keep calm and Got me good,
Thank you for your support and advice, I will be making an appt with an attorney very soon and will continue to try and take care of myself. Thanks so much again.

TheAgonyOfIt posted 2/1/2014 00:51 AM

I really now believe the very best thing a BS can do, if they have the strength or can find it, if they really want to save their marriage, is to knock the WS back into reality, using whatever proverbial baseball bats they have. A foggy WS that stays in denial only increases the pain, and may inevitably result in the marriage's end if they wake up too late. Force the alarm clock.

In my case, I'm glad my WS didn't wake up until after i was sure I wanted out. It was absolute hell to go through, but it forced me to look at my own denial about the viability of the relationship. Had he come out of his denial earlier, I would've likely stayed in mine and in an unhappy relationship.

Things may just have a way of working out.

Follow your path. It will likely lead you to where you need to go.

Sorry it hurts so much!!!!!!

[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 12:52 AM, February 1st (Saturday)]

heartbroken777 posted 2/1/2014 10:36 AM

To the agony of it, right now I'm not exactly sure what I want. The only thing I do know if he doesn't start showing me he wants this marriage I will let him know I'm speaking to an attorney. I will never let another man/ person disrespect me the way he has ever again. I'm still an emotional mess but each day I find a little more strength.this forum and all you wonderful people have been a great help as well. Thanks again for your advice!

norabird posted 2/1/2014 23:58 PM

I totally believe your strength is going to be unstoppable no need to know exactly what you want yet, but focusing on protecting yourself and knowing what you deserve are more than enough right now and a great thing to focus on amidst the turmoil. Keep your head clear and chin up and may you end up with whatever you determine is best for you.

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