And she gave me a gentle 2x4.
She said that this can take 5 years and why did I think I should be over it by now? I said that I was just going over the same ground and not gaining anything new. She said it's called mastery and it's my mind telling me I still am processing this hurt. I told her I felt weak that I couldn't stop thinking like this and she said that feeling our emotions takes strength, not weakness.
I cried for 5 minutes.
She asked me to tell her what I was feeling and it was mostly relief. I had "permission" to allow myself to dwell and feel as needed.
Interestingly, since then, Wednesday, I have not felt much need. But my IC suggested that I find a quiet place to feel, to think, to cry, when I needed to. She also reminded me to not let "happy" be the enemy of "whole".
And scheduled a few more appointments with me!
I honestly felt that with hard work and some magic fairy dust, I'd be over this in no time. The 2-5 year plan wasn't going to be me. I'm a strong woman and, especially since I've been through infidelity with XH#1 before, I was on the fast track.
My IC told me that, with a lot of work, it takes minimum 3 months to heal for every year of trauma. So, I've got a fun 21 months to look forward to now. I was really put out at first, but I'm realizing now it was a "permission" thing for me too.
When I read the 2-5 year plan I cringed. Heck! Put me on the fast track! I can see now @ 14 months that 2 yrs is not so "are you kidding me?!" As I first thought!
Well...let's hang in there and cry when we need too and embrace the good times when they come.
Have a good night
I can remember when you were first here at SI. I could tell back then that you felt you were going to be able to heal rather quickly. Just so positive that you were going to beat the curve. I recognized me because that is what I thought. It wasn't going to take me no stinkin' 2 to 5 years to heal. This infidelity wasn't going to be messing with me for years and years.
Here I am at almost 4 years post d-day. Yes, I have healed. A LOT!!!! Still some stinkin' healing to do, though. Guess I am on the long end of the healing spectrum.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
I hope your IC is incorrect or I have 45 months! (15 year supper long LTA)
I think it is like kids, once you have more than like 4 or 5 a few more really does not matter
Sister I remember me too. It makes me laugh now. Wiser SIers gently informed me of reality.
But, yes, LA, there are plenty of good times too. I just need to remember that it can't all be about focusing on the good all the time. I actually was feeling guilty that I couldn't do that.
All of us, being these strong women, still have to go through this process and can't "tough" our way through it.
Fast-Track Sisterhood, I salute you! We may be a bit bull-headed, but we DO rock our bitch boots!
D-Day, June 10, 2012
i have been seeing my ic about once a month for awhile now, and am just over 2 year out. i have been struggling and feeling stuck lately, and my IC had the same message- 3-5 years....
hang in there.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
Sorry, Bikingguy, I should have clarified. That's healing timeline for PTSD related trauma.
We just started with a new MC....guess where we started.....back where we started with our old MC 18 months ago!!!!
Skan has already chimed into what you eluded to in your latest IC session....that this second pass through is a time for "mastery"....to pick up what we didn't the first time.
Oh....and that guy that was going to beat the curve......yep, that was me too!
I am 18 months in.....2 years will be here before I knew it.
Who'd a thunk I would have been able to endure so much!!!!
Glad you found a good IC catlover50....jury's still out on our new MC....seems like her focus will be sexual intimacy in a few short more weeks....though she has a primary goal for me to continue to work on the healing from my wifes affair too........
gotta pace myself.....posts like this help me do that.