My boyfriend (who really I treated like my husband) of 14 years started an EA with a Co worker. To make a long story short. I brought up us getting married, feeling like Oh my! We both are almost 30-what the hell are we going to do & he said he was scared to get married. & we decided he needed to move out.
I have access to our phone bill & seen he was talking to someone else for a couple of months (EA), before we actually broke up. He never admitted to seeing her, until she posted a picture of the two of them on her facebook in Oct. 2013
Thats when he finally admitted he had been "sort of" seeing her. (YAH RIGHT) He thought he had lost me. He started doing all the right things, but at this time he was still trying to end things with her & his attention was never fully on us healing & rebuilding. All the while he was hoping we could make it work.
According to him, I guess after he ended things with her, she kept texting him & calling him non stop. He was honest about it at first. He had his phone out, not in his pocket & the ringer was on. His phone is a trigger of mine because thats where his affair started.
When I started ask ing him about their texts, he told me she was trying to get back together with him. I told him I was not ok with the contact. He told me I needed to trust him. I wanted to trust him so bad, but I just couldn't let it go. I kept looking at our phone bill to try to hold him accountable for his actions & the texts were still going on back & forth. Yet I felt bad for looking & it was making me crazy. I did want him to get another job but I never had enough courage to ask, because I wasn't sure where we were at that point of reconciling.
I love this man with all of my being & I want a life/future with HIM. Despite everything that has come our way in 14 years, we have made it through stronger each time. Our families support us. & We make a GREAT team. I cant give up on him just like he cant let me go.
We still talk everyday whether its text or phone call. This morning we talked on the phone for a bit. I think I understand that he is confused as to what he wants right now. He says he loves me & doesnt want to loose me, but I also see he hasn't given up the EA or AP either.
He agreed to come to the next IC/MC session which is not next week but the week after. I think that is a step in the right direction, right? As long as he commits to it but im really scared this is a make it or break it moment.
Has anyone every been in similar situation? What has happened? How do you handle triggers? Is your partner supportive? What steps have you taken, or what are things that have worked for you?
[This message edited by BrokenPiecesofMe at 1:27 PM, January 31st (Friday)]