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Just found this site and need a shoulder, an ear or some advice. Long story short, I discovered he was cyber cheating, had a harem of "random adds" (his words) on FB/Twitter about a year ago. We've been "reconciling" w/little to no initiative from him. For the past 5 years, he's ignored me, stonewalled & pretty much checked out on us. I'm still trying to figure out why I've stayed this long. Granted he's stepped it up helping out around the house & w/our 2 boys (he used to throw a fit if I asked him to do something as easy as taking out the trash or to even hold our oldest when he was a baby) but communication is still lacking. I recently brought up divorce & he asked that we "try to focus on us". WTF?!?!?! Isn't that what the last year was supposed to be about? I guess I'm trying to figure out how much more I can take. We haven't had this "big talk" he wants to have but idk if I even want to hear it anymore. To me, it's been a year of back n forth on whether to stay or go & w/o his ACTIONS to back up his words I'm done. Am I just getting my chain yanked again?

Hi there. Sounds alot like my WH. Only his cyber cheating escalated. He's heavy into porn, and cyber sex - some very unsavory business. In addition he has added over the last 20 years of marriage, multiple prostitutes, and a few COW, that I know about. I have confronted him multiple times over the years. I just found this place this month. I have come to realize he does not care about anything or anyone else, but himself and his perverted desires. Even if he does "little things" around the house, its because he wants bragging rights - "Well I put that bowl in the dishwasher." "I picked up that piece of dog food..." Some WH don't get it. They are not wired for it.

See if he is willing to REALLY take responsibility - cyber cheating is still cheating, and can escalate into more if left unchecked... (I live with the poster child on that one.) It is possible he already has, and you just haven't seen proof yet.

He has to be willing to be a full partner in your marriage and children's lives.

I wish you luck and you have found a great place to get advice and strength. I certainly have.

(((hugs))) and strength to you

Thanks scarednbroken. As far as I know (no physical proof) the cyber cheating hasn't escalated. Luckily he doesn't brag about doing stuff, he just does it. I've done therapy, self-help books & have just been focusing on me n my boys. I still wonder if he even grasps exactly what this has done to me, to us. I hope everything works out for you and wish you lots of hugs & strength.