SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Christala posted 1/31/2014 17:39 PM

My hell started around October, 2012. My husband of 16 years all of a sudden starting being distant. He had been working 3rd shift for around a year, and that sucked but I had gotten used to it and it was working... but he stopped getting up when i'd get home from work ( would sleep until 30 mins before it was time to go to work at night)

When i would see him for 2 seconds in the mornings he wouldn't even look me in the face. This immediately got me on high alert. This man had worshipped me and almost smothered me for 16 years. All of a sudden he just checked out. I asked him so many times what was wrong, he wouldn't admit anything was....He was just tired etc etc. December I lost my cool. I asked if there was someone else, if we had problems, should we go to counceling, etc. He assured me that he was just tired but still loved me and everything would be ok. During this time Oct-Dec he was only home 1 night a week. He was working 6 nights a week. On that 1 night a week, he kept accidentally falling asleep on the couch.

Dec 30th 2012 which was a sunday, He woke up and came outside while I was smoking. I brought it up again. "honey, what is wrong? You havent been yourself, is everything ok?" After denying for a few mins, he stops and stares and stares and stares at me in silence for at least 10 minutes. During this time I notice that he has the blackest circles under his eyes. He looks so unhealthy. He finally takes a deep breath and says " I haven't been happy for years.... I have felt unimportant and unappreaciated etc etc" Let the blame shifting begin!!!!

During all of this I don't know what is happening. I'm hearing what he is sayint and i'm looking at him and he looks like no one that I know. He says that there is no one else....there is someone that he wants to "talk to" Whatever, i'm not an idiot. I didn't fall off of the turnip truck yesterday. You don't throw away a marriage to "talk" to someone.

But I continued to listen. It made no sense. I asked him if we could go to counseling. He said it was well past that and it wouldn't help. I stayed calm and he left to go pick our daughter up. I fell to pieces. I called my friend and she came to get me. I packed several things and went to her house.

On January 5th, Saturday, He is waiting on me when I get off work. He jumps out of his car, crying and embraces me. He tells me he is so sorry that he has sh## all over our marriage. For 2 hours we sit in the parking lot on the ground and he tells me that he's been having an affair with a coworker and that he was planning to leave me "after christmas"
---------------------------------------
Me-BS
Him- WS
DD 12-30-12- doesn't love me anymore- I left.
DD 01/05/13- Admits 2 1/2 month EA-PA with coworker. ended affair before he told me, came to my work and confessed.
Bumpy ride but Trying to fix it

[This message edited by Christala at 5:41 PM, January 31st (Friday)]

Christala posted 1/31/2014 17:50 PM

This is at the point that I realize that he's been lying and that everything that I thought we had was a lie. This was a year ago and for the first 6 months there were TT's and probably the reason there haven't been anymore tt's is because I haven't asked too many more questions. He only talks about it if I mention it. He did however tell me a week ago that he ran into her brother. That was huge for me. I'm so used to the lying and trying to protect my feelings crap

Morhurt posted 1/31/2014 18:57 PM

Welcome to SI, I'm so sorry for your pain. Is he remorseful? I'm glad to hear about the brother incident, that's a good sign. Keep reading and posting. We're here and listening.

Christala posted 1/31/2014 19:08 PM

He does seem remorseful and very attentive to me but I still have my guard up and lose it. The ap is still making face books faster than I can block them. She is a widow (5 yrs younger than me). Guess what. Apparently her dh committed suicide because she was cheating on him. (Not with my wh, this was a yr before before him)