My hell started around October, 2012. My husband of 16 years all of a sudden starting being distant. He had been working 3rd shift for around a year, and that sucked but I had gotten used to it and it was working... but he stopped getting up when i'd get home from work ( would sleep until 30 mins before it was time to go to work at night)
When i would see him for 2 seconds in the mornings he wouldn't even look me in the face. This immediately got me on high alert. This man had worshipped me and almost smothered me for 16 years. All of a sudden he just checked out. I asked him so many times what was wrong, he wouldn't admit anything was....He was just tired etc etc. December I lost my cool. I asked if there was someone else, if we had problems, should we go to counceling, etc. He assured me that he was just tired but still loved me and everything would be ok. During this time Oct-Dec he was only home 1 night a week. He was working 6 nights a week. On that 1 night a week, he kept accidentally falling asleep on the couch.
Dec 30th 2012 which was a sunday, He woke up and came outside while I was smoking. I brought it up again. "honey, what is wrong? You havent been yourself, is everything ok?" After denying for a few mins, he stops and stares and stares and stares at me in silence for at least 10 minutes. During this time I notice that he has the blackest circles under his eyes. He looks so unhealthy. He finally takes a deep breath and says " I haven't been happy for years.... I have felt unimportant and unappreaciated etc etc" Let the blame shifting begin!!!!
During all of this I don't know what is happening. I'm hearing what he is sayint and i'm looking at him and he looks like no one that I know. He says that there is no one else....there is someone that he wants to "talk to" Whatever, i'm not an idiot. I didn't fall off of the turnip truck yesterday. You don't throw away a marriage to "talk" to someone.
But I continued to listen. It made no sense. I asked him if we could go to counseling. He said it was well past that and it wouldn't help. I stayed calm and he left to go pick our daughter up. I fell to pieces. I called my friend and she came to get me. I packed several things and went to her house.
On January 5th, Saturday, He is waiting on me when I get off work. He jumps out of his car, crying and embraces me. He tells me he is so sorry that he has sh## all over our marriage. For 2 hours we sit in the parking lot on the ground and he tells me that he's been having an affair with a coworker and that he was planning to leave me "after christmas"
DD 12-30-12- doesn't love me anymore- I left.
DD 01/05/13- Admits 2 1/2 month EA-PA with coworker. ended affair before he told me, came to my work and confessed.
Bumpy ride but Trying to fix it