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My Fwh has Alzheimers and his comment broke my heart once again

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forgivenotforget posted 1/31/2014 19:34 PM

It was a long, long road to recovery but after 4 years I finally thought we were on our way to getting a marriage that was worth fighting for. And then the horrible news came - He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It has been 2 years since his diagnosis but lately things have been progressing pretty rapidly.

Well tonight I felt like it was another d-day. I know it was the disease but it still felt like a stab in my heart. For anyone not familiar with this horrible disease, oftentimes patients have the desire to "go back home" even when they are sitting right there in their own living room in their favorite chair.

Once again, while I was preparing dinner my H said to me that he had to go home. When I asked him why, he told me, "I don't want to make FNF suspicious. We don't want to get caught." I don't know if I can do this if now this is where his brain is going to go. I never wanted to relive this but to see firsthand what his thinking was, to hear him tell me, he doesn't want to get caught, let's not make her suspicious, well will somebody please take this knife out of my heart.

Once we were past the worst of it I did my best to put this awful part of our history in the past. Now Alzheimer's threatens to bring it to the forefront. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. Pray for me.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 7:45 PM, January 31st (Friday)]

meplusfour posted 1/31/2014 19:39 PM


Sending grace, dignity and strength.

JustWow posted 1/31/2014 19:42 PM

Wow. You are in my prayers, ....both of you.

What a difficult journey to be on, I'm sorry.

njgal480 posted 1/31/2014 19:44 PM

This is so heartbreaking to read. I am so sorry that he said this and now you have the fear that this may be where his mind is going.
You have been such a wonderful and devoted wife- before this diagnosis and after. You traveled such a long road to recover from the trauma of d- day and then to be hit with this tough situation....,.so unfair.
I will be keeping you in my prayers.

flayed posted 1/31/2014 19:50 PM

My DDay and my pain are still fresh but I know that if I manage to get past this, heal and accept it that I would never want to relive it, let alone from the other side.

I pray that God gives you strength, courage and the grace to live in this new chapter of your life. May his comment not be the new norm.


betrayedfriend posted 1/31/2014 19:53 PM

I'm so very sorry. We dealt with Alzheimer's with my grandfather. It's a special kind of hell I wouldn't wish on anyone. I hope his mind moves past the timeframe of the A quickly and goes back to an earlier uncomplicated time for you both.

jjsr posted 1/31/2014 20:02 PM

I am so sorry. How horrible for the both of you.

IrishLass518 posted 1/31/2014 20:05 PM

I am so sorry. (((FNF))) I hope that his mind never goes there again.

LosferWords posted 1/31/2014 20:10 PM

Wow... I am so sorry, FNF. Sending thoughts your way.


nowiknow23 posted 1/31/2014 20:13 PM

I'm so very sorry, FNF. I can't even begin to imagine.

Sending you strength and comfort, and holding both you and your H in my thoughts.

AML04 posted 1/31/2014 20:34 PM


Blobette posted 1/31/2014 20:39 PM

This is so awful. It breaks my heart. Can I encourage you to get in touch with your local Alzheimer's Association? It's a great organization with a lot of resources for caregivers.

newbeg2011 posted 1/31/2014 20:47 PM

Please know we are praying for you. I see this disease every day in my line of work . You are a wifely saint.

scarednbroken posted 1/31/2014 20:51 PM

Get help from a support group nearby. There are
Caregiver support groups. Alzheimer's is terrible for the caregiver - frightening for the afflicted as they deteriorate. Early stages are horrid. (I worked with Alzheimer's patients for three years in a assisted living home.) One woman who was very dear to me (retired teacher) in one of her more lucid moments told me that some of her episodes were surreal in that she seemed to be watching from the inside another version of herself speaking to her loved ones...she had no control over what was being said and she felt herself scream "no no you are hurting them!!" It's a terrible terrible disease. Please get help for your sanity.

(((Hugs))) and prayers for you

solus sto posted 1/31/2014 21:03 PM

Oh, (((FNF)))...I am so very, very sorry. That is a unique kind of hell for you, and I wish I had a way to make it better for you.

forgivenotforget posted 1/31/2014 21:12 PM

Thank you all so much for your kind words, hugs and prayers. I am trying to do right by my H but tonight, after that painful comment, I just wished that I could have run as far away as possible.

Blobette - I have joined the Alzheimer's website and post frequently. One of my first posts was asking if there were others dealing with a LO's Alzheimer's after recovering from infidelity. I was shocked that on such a large site only one other poster admitted to dealing with infidelity. Maybe there are others but they don't want to publish something so private. I do get a lot out of their site though. There are so many aspects to this disease and it is good to share our fears and concerns and learn from each other how to handle situations that arise.

Again, thank you all for helping me get through this night. It helped more than you can know.
xoxo to you all!

Lionne posted 1/31/2014 21:27 PM

Oh my dear...I fear this very thing in my life. Please know that I too am holding you in the LIGHT and hope you can find peace and strength in the face of this new trauma.

Please make time for yourself...

Hugs. SK

0115 posted 1/31/2014 21:38 PM

I fear this very thing. Your post made me gasp out loud...I have never done that in 3 years of reading these sad stories.

Please know I will hold you in special prayer. I pray you find the sources you need for comfort and strength and that his mind will move into a different time period of his life.

It is a horrible disease...I'm so sorry for you.

lostsuol posted 1/31/2014 23:26 PM


I am so saddened reading this. NJgal pretty much wrote what came to my mind as I read your message. Hopefully his comment will not be the new norm and/or his mind travels back to a better time for both of you.

You have been so strong... put the past behind you to care for him in his illness... and handled all of this with such dignity. I am praying for your continued strength in the face of this very unpleasant turn of events.

purplejacket4 posted 2/1/2014 01:38 AM

I'm so sorry about how painful that was. Please redirect him when that happens back to the present. His mind may flit to several times from his life.

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