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Hatemyhusband posted 2/1/2014 09:35 AM

Two months ago I confronted my husband about his A with my "friend". It was a daily texting, once moth sex fest affair in crack motel an hour each time. I knew most two yrs ago he was doing this. I didn't confront bc I had to become stronger and give him time to see if he came back to me

Signs showed me he loved me and our family. She tried to pull him to her, but I knew in my heart he was mine all along. We've been married 16 yrs and together since I was 19

This was the love of my life. I chose him; I could have had many others. Although he came with some baggage, I knew the day I slept with him, he was my soul mate.

2 kids later and a marriage where we put the children first always, he chose to live out a fantasy. I watched it eat at him. I saw the sadness, anger with himself, and discontent numerous times over these two yrs.

Two months to the day I have been healing my broken heart. A man who had my utmost respect has to live with himself knowing he lost that. He has to live with knowing he destroyed the trust and faith of a woman who would have done anything for him. Over the past few months, I have changed. I have become stronger. My heart will never "trust " him, but I will always love him.

The days are getting easier. I still dream about er 5/7 nights. I still become sad for what he did to our marriage. I do know that I will be okay. I'm not sure if I will remain married to the man I love, I'm still trying to figure our what's best for ME and my kids. I'm enjoying the time spent together these two months, bonding sexually and emotionally. Holding each other while we cry for or lost marriage. I wouldn't wish this journey on my worst enemy but I know things happens for a reason and one day I will know what that reason is. Maybe it's to become stronger and create a new life together as we get older? Maybe it's to begin a life without each other? Maybe it will allow me to help others who experience that same pain.

I write this just to share where I am two months out and also to say thank you to those on here who have pushed me to keep going. I know I will be ok no matter what.

LA44 posted 2/1/2014 10:04 AM

I know I will be ok no matter what.

Yes you will,HMH.

Maybe see my post on encouraging yourself as others have made some really strong comments.

Take care.
LA

[This message edited by LA44 at 10:04 AM, February 1st (Saturday)]

deena04 posted 2/1/2014 10:16 AM

Hugs, just hugs...you will rock the ok, not just be ok :)

chetristezza posted 2/1/2014 10:39 AM

I can relate to so much of this. While our stories may be a bit different I've seen the same responses from my husband. I know I'll be ok but don't know if "we" will. I posted yesterday asking what is "reconciliation?" It doesn't always make sense to me as I didn't leave. I didn't cheat. What am I "reconciling"? I love him. He loves me. His actions ended our relationship. I'm reconciling myself with that fact. That's about as far as I've gotten. We are doing ok most days that I put that fact down but when I pick it up again then things become discordant. Like those two realities cannot co-exist.

Yes, I'll be fine. Whether we will be or not is another story. If things weren't a toxic hell before how would I really relax? What's my "trigger"? Things are good????? Really???

How do you reconcile which sounds so mutual when the blow was such an individual event?

Hatemyhusband posted 2/1/2014 12:33 PM

--How do you reconcile which sounds so mutual when the blow was such an individual event?--

Yup. I agree. Couldn't hv said it better.

creativecat posted 2/1/2014 15:59 PM

Make your WS do the heavy lifting in the beginning, and if you're doing IC, focus on you and your processing of the hurt. Depending on his remorsefulness/transparency/honesty/etc, you may start feeling more like you're working as a team toward R.

Two months out is really recent...you'll likely have roller coaster emotions for awhile...I did, and have sensed that from most here on SI.

Know what your needs/requirements are for R...job change? Properly done NC letter? IC/MC? You are extending an opportunity to your WS to start reconciliation, and when he starts really doing the work, you'll feel more like you're both holding the olive branch together.

creativecat posted 2/1/2014 16:04 PM

sorry...double post.

[This message edited by creativecat at 4:05 PM, February 1st (Saturday)]