"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Concused6773 posted 2/2/2014 12:01 PM

I became friends with a coworker who was married. Iater found out they were swingers. I was invited for a party not truly knowing 100 percent what I was getting into. I had never done this before as it was all new to me. Anyway. Things happened. They kept inviting me over and I went expressing I didn't want to participate in that activity anymore. The wife encouraged me and her husband to play/have sex. (Wrong on every level) so we ended up falling (so I thought) they file for divorce...... And she leaves in the mide of the day. Well she took his "dog" . On exit day I went to his house...There is a letter for wife (assuming she came back to house) that said "wife's name. I love you! Give me 30 days to prove it. Let's start with 3 days in the mountains and I will be the husband you deserve. I promise. Signs his name. He was sneaky to throw it away so I'm a lil sneaker and dig it out of trash. He has been for 7 months saying he loves me and spends all his time with me. She knows about me. But the minute she finally leaves..... Wow.... There's this letter and I stayed with him the first weekend afterwards. You would think we were roommates. Please help me. I know I have to end this :( so sad ...... Advice appreciated!!!!

Brandon808 posted 2/2/2014 12:12 PM

BH here. Other WS on SI will come along with better advice but for now I wanted to welcome and encourage to stay and keep posting and reading. Some advice/comments may be hard to read at times but it will always be to help you. The WS in particular have BTDT so they really know what they're talking about.

Are you in IC (individual counseling)? If not then I cannot recommend strongly enough that you find one.

They kept inviting me over and I went expressing I didn't want to participate in that activity anymore.

Did they keep pressuring you? Did you find it hard to be firm and say no? This is where I think you need to do some digging and self-discovery. Try to figure why. Why you agreed. Why continue? Each time you answer that question then ask it again.

Ending it means going no contact (NC). No seeing him. No texting, email, chat. Nothing. Then you have to work on the mental NC (i.e. getting him out of your thoughts). That part will take time.

Concused6773 posted 2/2/2014 12:40 PM

Yes. I am female and the wife do try and force it on me. Why did I go back a couple times? Idk. Then co-worker and I got closer and closer.... Lunches.... Meetings.... All the wrong things. He filed for divorce. She moved back to her home state but left in the middle of the day. This letter he left on the counter is burning a hole thru me..... It was like he was hoping she would come back and see it..... Of course he says he wrote it out of guilt..... Guilt is "I'm sorry I hurt you"...... I am not strong enough to go no contact yet but I feel we both know we are on our way out.

JanaGreen posted 2/2/2014 13:20 PM

I'm assuming you are single?

Concused6773 posted 2/2/2014 13:58 PM

Yes. I'm single and we no longer work together.

Brandon808 posted 2/2/2014 14:02 PM

I am female and the wife do try and force it on me. Why did I go back a couple times? Idk.

Then this would be where you should start. Answering the why. This man, this whole experience, is unhealthy and sounds like something you were not in favor. For your own sake you need to get to the bottom of it.

You recognize it, which is the first step. Keep going.

Concused6773 posted 2/2/2014 18:03 PM

He has such a nasty temper at times. How can I love someone that is so mean at times..... To clear the record..... Nothing against anyone in the swinging life style but it's not for me and he did give this up..... Forever???? Only time wil tell. He do I turn my heart off. Life is so disappointing

20WrongsVs1 posted 2/2/2014 20:47 PM

Oh sweetie. You deserve better. That letter tells you everything you need to know. He wants his wife, and you're the backup plan. If you stay with him, how long till he talks you into bringing another woman over to "play," or leaves you if you don't cooperate?

I want you to consider reading a book called Psychopath Free. You can get it for free at the website psychopathfree.com (click Get the Book). My guess is that you'll see your "boyfriend" in its pages. He's playing you. Don't fall for that shit.

Concused6773 posted 2/3/2014 08:16 AM

20wrongs...... Everything you said has crossed my mind more times than I can count. I feel addicted to this man. I was married for years and my ex cheated on me so much and I turn around and wreck a wrecking marriage. I have to get mentally sting enough to walk away. I will download the book. Thanks for sharing. Yes the letter said it all :(

Concused6773 posted 2/3/2014 18:38 PM

@20Wrongs..... thank you so much for recommending that website. i feel like everything written there was written around my life... beginning with my marriage to this trainwreck.

20WrongsVs1 posted 2/3/2014 21:35 PM

Are you familiar with the Katy Perry song Roar? Go read the lyrics. You need the eye of the tiger.

What's your status with this guy? You said something about being roommates. Are you living with him? If you're no longer working together, are you still actively involved with him?

Concused6773 posted 2/4/2014 06:51 AM

@20wrongs.... I will look up that song.
My roommate is not this guy. No I no longer work for him. I found another job due to our relationship.( and I really hated that job too). I am beginning to distance myself at the moment as I absorb all new information and of course that "letter" to wife.....