I'm sorry. What awful things your WH says!! Geez!
You should feel so proud of yourself for the positive changes you've made in your life. Keep making them and don't worry about what WH thinks about it.
It is ok that this is your deal breaker. Everyone responds differently to this. There is no right or wrong way to respond for everyone. Only the right way for you. If this is a deal breaker for you, that is ok. Fortunately, you do not have to make a decision now. As you continue to go through your emotions, you may change your mind many times through the process. That is normal too.
Support being sent to you.
I'm so sorry but trust me it is better to find this out about him sooner rather than later. He absolutely needs to get IC if R is even to be an option. Note that it's fine for it not to be an option! This type of insecurity can be very poisonous.
At least be proud of yourself for your positive changes in life. You are in a great position as a result of all your hard work and he can't take that awY from you.
I hate that we are here. I'm so sorry for your pain. You are in good company.