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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: Anger, anger and more anger
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so angry that I don't know what to do with all of my anger. I found out about my husband's A in Dec 2013. Nobody is safe from my anger. All of my children have felt the brunt of it, my friends, brohters, sisters, nieces, nephews and pretty much anyone who gets close enough. Why am I doing this? Of course my husband has gotten the worst, and rightly so. But why on earth would I be mean to EVERYONE else in my life?? Passive aggressive, and regular outright cruel stuff, too. THIS IS NOT ME!

I've been aplologizing like crazy to everyone afterwards but it doesn't make me feel any better. I can't afford a therapist right now and I know damn well that I need a good one. Why am I doing this? Has anyone done this after finding out that your spouse has cheated?

BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
♀ 40488
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry your here..
Yes it's so hard the rage the anger... I really sometimes have it boil up...And I feel like I'm about to 💥💥💥. It's not so often but I'm in A season so I have daily triggers.
3 yrs from DDay us coming up in March... I'm sick already. And pissed

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 39652
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely understand. It's hard because the pain seems to overshadow everything.

Where are you, regarding your WH? What is he doing to make things right by you? Sometimes when they aren't doing what's needed, it makes the anger even worse.

Hopefully he's being an open book, no TT, giving you all his passwords, etc. At the same time, he needs to be picking up the slack so you have some time to take care of you. Even if that means allowing you time to disappear into your room for hours alone, to think.

This is just beginning, and you're going through so much right now. Have you shared this with your family or any friends? If you have someone close, please allow yourself to talk to someone. You need this. It does help.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could say more...just keep posting (((hugs)))

Me : no longer a BW or BGF. Starting over!

Them : in the past, where they can stay.

Posts: 955 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 38958
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand the feeling of anger swelling inside of you. It's so hard to control the surge of rage when it starts to rise.

Do you have an outlet for your emotions? I found that exercise, particularly running helped dissipate my rage and frustration. When the weather was more pleasant, I found that being outside and running helped me work through my feelings.

Are you sleeping and eating well? If you are not getting enough sleep, please consider seeing your doctor for some sleep aids. I went to my doctor four days after DDay for STD testing and help sleeping. I used sleep medication for nine months. Without sleep, I found that my moods deteriorated rapidly. Please also take the time to make sure you are eating regularly. I know it is hard, I could barely stand the sight of food. I existed on scrambled eggs and smoothies for weeks at a time.

Keep posting and reading on SI. Everyone here understands what you are going through. No matter what time of day, if you need to vent and rage at the injustice of the situation, this is the place to express it.

Be gentle with yourself. Recognizing that you may be inappropriately lashing out at your loved ones is to your credit. You are doing this because the person who was supposed to have your back, the one who you trusted the most, betrayed you. Your mind is reeling from the shock and may be trying to protect you from further harm by creating distance between others you are close to. You are just at the beginning of the healing process, just take it one moment, one day at a time.

Sending you grace, dignity and strength.

BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 438 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 41745
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I know how you feel I think thats a stage of grief first comes the anger due to the hurt of it all. Its a very traumatic experience...your whole world has been shaken to the core...things will eventually subside and you will be able to catch a hold and eventually control it...I was a complete fire breathing dragon for a while...its part of the process...sometimes I would feel like a horrible unstable mother and monster...hang in there. I really do feel like experiencing infidelity runs along the lines of someone extremely close to you dying and so the same stages of grief to follow would apply...maybe take up something physical...go for a walk I did alot of walking...or use a punching bag...hang in there

"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 213 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you tried journaling. I don't necessarily mean, today I feel angry, journaling but let it out ugly if must be journaling. I have written letters to my ws that would make a sailor blush. I have wrtten things that make me sound nuts but it gets out of my head and I feel better. Might help.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have meds but maybe they just aren't strong enough. I will go back to the doc. I think it's time for an antidepressant. I still don't sleep well, either. I am alone in my room right now and that seems to help at times. If I'm alone, I can't be mean to people I care about.

I guess I feel like WH is not doing enough. That must be the cause of the severe rage I have. Also, I find myself wishing that I was dead. I guess that's not the same as suicidal thoughts. I love my kids too much and would not kill myself because it would destroy them. Still, it's a very dark, dark place to be.

SI is good for me right now because I don't want to wear my friends out with my crap all the time. On here, I can write all I want and people can choose to read it or not and the advice is wonderful. Thanks, guys. I am a survivor and I will get through this!

BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
♂ 41666
Member # 41666
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, February 3rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also have a lot of anger. Since it is just the wife and I at home, I've had no worries about taking it out on anyone else. Tried to take it out on OM but he is too cowardly to engage me.

I've managed to keep the anger toward my spouse contained to infrequent outbursts. I don't consider anger as anything to be ashamed of. If you're hurt, show it, but try to use your control to assure its confined to the appropriate party, and channeled in some sort of useful way. That may not make much sense right now, but I do believe anger can be productive, if used in the right way.

Posts: 261 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
♀ 42170
Member # 42170
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, February 4th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think anger can be productive! I just need to figure out how to concentrate long enough to make it productive. I would much rather channel it into my career right now and make good use of the energy that can come from that. Only I can do this. Only I can make this change. Somehow, I'm going to have to figure it out.

I just started the 180 with him. Even though we are still living in the same house with children at home. I really need to disengage from him because I keep getting hurt over and over and it's killing me. So, now I see how the 180 really is a good thing for ME. :)

BS/Me WH/Him

"Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth." -Unknown Wise Person

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: North Carolina, United States
Topic Posts: 9

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