Just a brief history. See details in my story.
I been with my wife 14 years, married 6. We have an 11 year old son. We progressed through our carrees, built a new house, new cars, vacations, great son, great life, and so on.
She has always been my best friend. We were always a team.
10 months ago i learned she was having a year long heated, emotional, and physical affair with an old highschool friend. It started vis facebook.
During the affair she became cold, heartless and mean. I could not do anything right and she was gone all the time while i cared for our son.
On D day i was destroyed. I had to be medicated and many visits to therapy.
I thought we were in R for 6 months. We even went to MC.
I learned it was still going on. I was devastated. I cried and begged and she showed me absolutly no mercy.
Example: just one of many, i would beg her not to go see him. I would cry and she would say "thats not attractive. If i were to break it off with him, he wouldnt cry like that."
I moved out 3 months ago.
Now, as of about one month ago, she calls me begging and crying. Panicing snd so on. She beggs me to come home.
She tells me im destroying the marriage. That i can repair everything if i just let go.
She gives me a laundry list of all the things that make her sad regarding me leaving, yet still shows no remose for what she did or how i feel/felt.
She still locks her phone, does not disclose all details of the A, shows no empathy about my pain, and never rally ended the A properly. They stopped meeting and communicating. However, her last email to him stated that she would call him from time to time to "see how he is doing" and she told him she still had his house key "just in case".
With all that being said, WHY IS SHE ABLE TO CAUSE ME TREMENDOUS GUILT???
I want to move on. I have a lawyer. I do not want her. When i see her or hear her voice, i immediately get severe panic and anxiety.
Im working with a IC to move forward without her.
I just need some tips, words of wisdom, advice, strength, anything.
Im naturally not a weak person. I have a demanding job that requires mental and emotional strength. However, i just cant seem to block her guilting me and turning this around.
When i dont give in she gets mad and treats me like before. I cant deal with this.