SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

wonderingbull posted 2/3/2014 12:32 PM

First time I've done this in my life...

When I moved out from the ex I rented this great place I've been in since, almost 7 years now... I've lived in the same city my whole life (53 y.o.) except when I left for 4 years of college.

Now with my brother in such dire straits I'm looking at moving to Alabama to be with him... If things don't take a friendly turn he'll pretty much need full time help... My SIL works full time as a nurse and can't be there all the time...

I was able to get packed up and moved into this place in 4 days... I figure I can get packed up and moved that far away in a week to week and a half...

Looking at places near him at about the same price as I live here...

I've been inspired by all the SIers who have made long distance moves so I'm using your examples for inspiration...

Had a crying meltdown on saturday evening but cried it out, took a lot of deep breaths and hugged my dog... Going through this on my own is daunting but that's the hand I was dealt... Gonna have to play it...

WB

nowiknow23 posted 2/3/2014 12:55 PM

((((wb)))) Sending you strength, bud.

EvenKeel posted 2/3/2014 12:56 PM

Hugs WB! I am sorry - it sounds like brother is in a bad place.

As for moving - it can be a very freeing thing. Trust that since you are moving for the right reasons (ie of the heart), it will be ok.

....and we are here for any venting you need in the meantime!

Edited.....I am not sure about your place; but I seemed to have acquired WAY more stuff than I moved in with!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:57 PM, February 3rd (Monday)]

wildbananas posted 2/3/2014 13:34 PM

I'm also pondering an out of state move... it's scary! So much to consider.

I know you'll handle it just fine... with a name like WB, how could you not?

The other WB

Sad in AZ posted 2/3/2014 13:36 PM

I'm one of the 'movers' on this board so I'm sending you all the moving mojo I have (as I hope to not do so again for a while )

Feel free to PM me if you need anything from advice to emotional support

cayc posted 2/3/2014 13:44 PM

How awesome you are to be there for your brother this way! We should all be so lucky to have a sibling like you.

As for moving, it's just logistics. If ever there was a task that called for making a list and ticking things off until it's done, this is it.

But other things to thing about in terms of looking before you leap, e.g. not moving yet and going down and staying with your brother until you really know the lay of the land. Sometimes having a better idea of what you're headed towards makes planning for it easier.

And I second the motion that you've got more stuff crammed into your place than you think :) so plan for that too

stuckinthetunnel posted 2/3/2014 14:07 PM

Hey wonderingull..I up and moved to Alabama about 8 months ago. Left my home where I had lived my whole 50 yrs. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. Still getting settled in and there are times when I look around and think "I cant believe I did this". I love Alabama, its just hard staring all over by yourself at my age.

The plus side is I don't have to look at every freaken silver truck that passes me anymore, I don't have to run into him and his OW anymore, which was happening a lot, and my son is so much happier and has met some kids that are a lot better for him and he is getting over his anger. Im also closer to family and that is always a plus. Good luck on your move, my son and I drove the 3000 plus miles and it was the coolest thing I have ever done with him.

wonderingbull posted 2/3/2014 14:47 PM

Thank you everyone...

Sad... I've observed your moves and they've inspired me...

The place I'll go is along the gulf coast of Al... My parents are originally from there and I've got a ton of cousins and their families there... I know it like the back of my hand... Just never really thought I'd be heading that way for the reasons I am...

I can work from anywhere so that's a plus...

I just talked to my SIL earlier this morning and she's going to put me in touch with the guy who knows everything about everyone in the residential community they're in... Being within walking distance would be great but not neccessary....

Just need to find a place from me and my dog to land...

Once again... Thank you...

WB

gahurts posted 2/3/2014 15:01 PM

WB,

I moved from the northeast down to Texas on my own a few years after college and moved my entire family out here to Georgia 5-1/2 years ago. It can seem like a lot but just get your ducks in a row and plan out as much as you can before you head out.

I would recommend taking a trip out there with the intention of scoping the area for where you want to live and get some things set up in advance of actually making the move.

Sad in AZ posted 2/3/2014 15:09 PM

I moved from Phoenix to Houston without a place to live because I had to get there quicklynot the smartest thing to do, but it worked out. DDIL has an aunt & uncle there, and they said they would put me up for a while. I worked my butt off and found an apartment in a week, which was a miracle because apartments were at a premium. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't bring my dogs for various reasons, so they now live with the X.

If you have a fair amount of stuff, I like PODS for a move. I used them from Phoenix to Houston. I used a cut-rate organization (UPack) for the move to NY, and it was awful. Much less expensive, but in the long run, not worth it.

persevere posted 2/3/2014 15:45 PM

((WB)) You're a good man, and I can't imagine you would regret having this time with your brother. It is a big change though, but I think you can handle anything.

Williesmom posted 2/3/2014 19:07 PM

((Wb)). You'll be awesome no matter where you land.

Bluebird26 posted 2/4/2014 00:58 AM

Good luck with your move. I am sure you will really appreciate being close to your family especially while you settle in.

I hope things improve with your brother. I am sure your SIL will be very glad to have some assistance as well.

thebighurt posted 2/4/2014 09:40 AM

You're a great brother. You're lucky that you can work from home, wherever that may be, so that you can be there for him/them when they really need you. It's good that you are already familiar with the area, too.

I moved a good amount of things last fall, expecting to spend the winter in a warmer place. Almost at the last minute before that move, there was an additional, unexpected move on the horizon. Now I'm many thousands of miles further away helping out my family in a medical situation for several months. I'm thankful that I didn't need to move my whole household, though. We're both lucky that we have the ability to be available to help.

SI mojo for your move and for your brother's health.

gma56 posted 2/4/2014 23:09 PM

I've been moving Southeast also but doing a pit stop in Texas for the last couple months from Bay Area, CA. Sent a PM.

Hugs
Gma

exhausted lady posted 2/5/2014 00:56 AM

WB....if you're only renting at the present time......follow your heart. It won't lead you wrong. If your brother needs you, and you have the means to be there for him (and can handle the stress) by all means take the time to do it.

Of course, I'm posting from the viewpoint of a caretaker of many years, and I might not have the most broad viewpoint, but honest to god, look at the positive vs. negative points.

If your the type that needs to weigh the positive vs. the negative.....pull up Excel and do so. Only you know what will have the greater pull.

I'm doing the caregiver thing for my mom. She moved in with me (mid-stage dementia) upon my father's death in July. I would never, ever tell someone they HAD to chose this. It's damned hard, let me tell ya. But, in my case....I could do no other and live with myself.

I will tell you though, once you dive in....there is no going back. You're committed. Think about that long and hard before you turn your life upside down. Do some very deep soul-searching before you chose this. But, it's family and THAT is the kicker (and the trap).

Right now, I'm just barely keeping my head above water on the mental health front and I've been through a lot of shit before this happened. Being a caregiver is the most exhausting, mind-numbing, stressful thing you can do. Also the most rewarding. Think long and hard....because it gets harder as time goes on.

Be prepared to dig into your deepest reserves of self care to take on a job like that.

I didn't have a choice (only child), but you do. Look into helping by giving respite care for your SIL, (you could spell her for a week of respite, etc.) paying caregivers, etc.....believe me, end of life care will eat your life while it's going on. A lot of people can't deal with it. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to see it through to the end myself. I held my dad's hand during his final days and hours, but this is the "long goodbye" (Alzheimers) and I question my ability to handle it every single morning when I wake up.

hexed posted 2/5/2014 09:03 AM

follow your heart....

that's where home is :)

peridot posted 2/5/2014 21:34 PM

I want to move out of this state but don't know where lol.

Afraid2LoveAgain posted 2/7/2014 06:34 AM

((((WB))))

((((WB's Brother))))