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Thought I was doing ok...

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Charmed posted 2/3/2014 13:23 PM

As some have suggested, I tried the 180. I thought I was getting a sense of strength, but I find myself right back in my dark place. I am ready to burst out into tears.

The anniversary of my mother's death is approaching. My H said that out of respect for me, he would like to go with me to my mother's grave. WTF??? Where was his respect when I drove with our 3 children 1/2 way across the country to be with my dying mother? He could have gotten out of his work requirements to help me. Now, I'm supposed to let him go with me out of some sense of obligation? I am so angry I could spit nails!

This past weekend, I asked him to stay away so I could be with our children. I wanted my weekend with them. He really didn't like that. He said the weekend made him feel lonely and sad. I am glad he feels that way. This is what divorce would be like. I wish there was something that would make him snap out of this! My heart is broken into a thousand little pieces, and his name is on every single one of them.

My God, this hurts so much! I didn't cry once this weekend...not ONCE. Now, I'm a mess again. My stomach is in knots like something is going to happen. How do I function? When will I wake up from this nightmare? God, please help me!

norabird posted 2/3/2014 13:30 PM

((((charmed))))

You are still so very strong however sad you feel now. You are just going up and down on the rollercoaster--it is totally normal. Let the sadness and tears come and overwhelm you for a short time, then pick yourself up, hang onto that anger, and stay firm. You're only human and hurting is natural but slowly you will find it gets easier. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way and try to indulge in something good for yourself if you can.

Mhiimg65 posted 2/3/2014 13:38 PM

Charmed,
Take a deep breath. You need to step back and get off of the roller coaster. Find yourself a mindless activity so you can clear your brain. Don't give him an answer as to whether you want him with you when you visit your mother's grave. Take time to think it through and you'll be in a much better place to make a decision.

I don't know which anniversary it is since your mother' sheath, but if it is the first, I was there not long ago. My WH thought I was emotionally and psyically unavailable while I was taking care of my dying mother. That's when he went elsewhere. Just remember, you are not alone in your feelings and even though I can' t really help you, I can tell you I know how it feels. I hope, too, that someday I can grieve my mother and not have it be intertwined with infidelity and lies. I wish you some peace.

SadInNC posted 2/3/2014 18:53 PM

My heart is broken into a thousand little pieces, and his name is on every single one of them.

Charmed, my husband cheated on me when my mother was dying and I was nursing her 24/7. He has blamed me for abandoning him during that time. My heart is in the same condition that yours is in thanks to WH.

The anniversary of my mother's death is approaching. My H said that out of respect for me, he would like to go with me to my mother's grave. WTF???

Really think about if him being there with you to visit her grave will be a comfort to you or not. If the answer is yes, then let him go with you. If the answer is no, then don't even think about letting him go. This is your time to grieve for your mother. Only do what feels right in your heart and do it for YOU. Blessings and Peace!

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