As some have suggested, I tried the 180. I thought I was getting a sense of strength, but I find myself right back in my dark place. I am ready to burst out into tears.
The anniversary of my mother's death is approaching. My H said that out of respect for me, he would like to go with me to my mother's grave. WTF??? Where was his respect when I drove with our 3 children 1/2 way across the country to be with my dying mother? He could have gotten out of his work requirements to help me. Now, I'm supposed to let him go with me out of some sense of obligation? I am so angry I could spit nails!
This past weekend, I asked him to stay away so I could be with our children. I wanted my weekend with them. He really didn't like that. He said the weekend made him feel lonely and sad. I am glad he feels that way. This is what divorce would be like. I wish there was something that would make him snap out of this! My heart is broken into a thousand little pieces, and his name is on every single one of them.
My God, this hurts so much! I didn't cry once this weekend...not ONCE. Now, I'm a mess again. My stomach is in knots like something is going to happen. How do I function? When will I wake up from this nightmare? God, please help me!