I hope that maybe some of you can help me sort through this and help guide me....
Some background...I've bee with my husband for 8 years, married for 4. I always thought I was safe from him cheating on me because his ex wife cheated on him with his best friend, left him less than a year into their marriage, and is now married to him. I know how much this hurt him, so idiot me thought I didn't have to worry about him hurting me the way he was hurt.
When I first moved in I came across an email, his computer locked up while logging off, where he was looking for "fun" in a city he frequented for business. The email was older, so I didn't think too much of it. He was single before me, he could do what he wanted.
When I got pregnant with our first son I had a VERY difficult pregnancy. I was not allowed to have sex or even any type of orgasm in fear of it putting me into labor at 5 months. During this time I felt like something was going on, but couldn't find anything. He would have to go out late for "work"' etc. I went as far as confronting him, and of course he denied everything. I had our son and things were going ok.
Fast forward, a couple of years. We get pregnant with our second son. While pregnant his attitude changed. He went as far as to call me names including dumbass and fat and ugly when I was 8 weeks pregnant. He then started pulling away again. He wasn't interested in sex again and I chalked it up to the issues I had with my first pregnancy. Once again, I had the feelings but couldn't find any proof.
That brings us to present. In December I get an email from a strange email address. It's a political video with a short comment before that I know came from my husband....I know how he writes. I thought it was odd to get an email from an email address I knew nothing about so I went looking for it. What I found shocked me!! I found the name in a bunch of porn and dating/sex sites. On the dating/sex sites the info matches him....our city, his height, weight, astrological sign, etc. but of course no picture. I immediately call him out on it. He of course denies denies denies. I get the somebody is pretending to be me, somebody is framing me, etc etc etc....I'm sure you know them all. At this point it's right before christmas and I don't want to ruin my boys holiday so I pretend everything is ok. He actually buys me a christmas gift, which we never do, and he's helping more, helping with the boys, etc. After the he holidays, I laid it all out on the table and told him that I have no proof it's him so I need to trust him, but I will not put up with this crap.
This weekend shit hit the fan!! I had been watching his phone, since the dating websites hadn't been accessed since I confronted him. I figured I'd find something on his email on his phone. I looked Sunday morning and I found a reply in his email to a chick on craigslist with a naked pic posted. I also found a draft, started email, replying to "fun before work". I LOST IT!! He was just getting out of the shower and I barged in screaming at him and he of course denied and didn't know what I was talking about. I flipped out and told him to stop lying to me that I now have him red handed. At that point I locked myself in the bathroom with my boys to finish getting them ready. He barged in and I just continued to scream at him, which I'm not proud if since it scared my boys.
So here I am now. He keeps saying it's not him and somebody hacked his email, blah blah blahs. I pointed out to him that it was sent from his yahoo account, which he said he doesn't have yet we used to chat all of the time on yahoo messenger and he has the app on his phone. I told him point blank I don't believe his bs and I'm tired of I his lies. He still denies everything. I told him at this point it would actually make me feel better if he just came clean and said yes I did this I f'd up. He offered me all of his passwords, but I told him to keep them. I told him there is nothing stopping him from opening another email account to hook up with his "friends". He swore to me he wouldn't that he's too afraid of losing me. He keeps denying everything and asking me to help him figure out what's happening and how to stop it.....I looked him straight in the eye and told him "what's happening is my husband is picking up skanks and he needs to stop going to dating sites in order to stop it". He didn't like my answer.
I'm at the point of not knowing what to believe, how to feel, etc. He's still denying everything and has tried explaining how his email could've been hacked, and how it isn't him. I have told him that I'm willing to work on it, but I need absolute truth from him and he needs to come clean, which of course he's still denying everything. He actually left for a business trip this morning and I'm kinda happy. It gives me time alone to try and figure this out. I just want to lay in bed a scream and cry, but I can't because I have my 2 little boys to take care of.
At this point I'll take any words of wisdom, support, help, etc because I'm at a loss. I'm too embarrassed to go to any friends or family, so I feel soooo alone!