Seriously though, it's almost like subliminal learning, albeit a little slow, but already seeing a slight change.
Old dogs can always learn new tricks. Even me
The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995
Thanks for sharing!
1.Looooovvvvvveeeeee you and I'm thinking of you and you only:-*<3:-*
2. Thank you for being special, loving, warm and caring:-*<3:-*<3:-):-):-)
3. I appreciate you
They made me smile and cry because I see the effort he made and the actions he took. So when I start feeling low and start to question things I'll look at these and it'll help me focus on moving forward and growing together.
I, for instance, hate, hate, hate it when my spouse thanks me for stuff that I'm doing because they need to be done. When my WH gets into a mode where he is thanking me for every little thing, it makes me crazy. I don't want to be thanked for doing the dishes, I don't want to be thanked for making dinner, I don't want to be thanked for getting the kids ready for school. In fact it makes me resentful. What would show love to me is an offer of help. Now a sincere, "I love and appreciate you as a person" is something different.
Roses: I hear you. I appreciate that he thanks me for the "thankless" jobs I do every day, but I would feel annoyed if he only thanked me and never helped!
My H and I both are far more attuned to each others needs than we ever were before.
Roses - Someone mentioned it above. 5 love languages. It's exactly what you are alluding to. People try to love how they want to be loved.
I want to be appreciated, but affirmation is not my love language. Acts of service is my primary and then quality time. I mean I like the other languages too, but they aren't what instantly make me feel loved and appreciated. I suggest you and your spouse read it. It's very short, you can even take a quiz online. I knew my WH's languages and this confirmed it, and affirmation is one of them, which makes sense because he constantly seeks external validation.
It is important to know what your spouse needs. If you start trying to reconnect by constant affirmation and that is not their love language, you could be doing more harm to your marriage than good. That isn't to say being positive around each other is not a good thing but it need to be tempered to the recipient.
IMO: the point is not particularly in the thanking, but in the noticing...the words show the notice and then is communicated....this kind of communication is good communication. By thanking we too are NOTICING the good things our spouse does....this get the positive perspective going...so it is the NOTICING on our part as well as the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT for them that gets the great cycle going...not just thanking for their case but it helps US AS WELL as it helps us SEE more clearly what they are doing and work towards a move positive view of them which after time will lead to more loving feelings.
For getting a guy to help out, try this using these words (John grays aadvise and seems to work in our house)...
Honey, would you mind helping me clean of the table tonight...I FEEL a bit tired and it would be a great help.
This gives him chance to do for you...IMO guys want to help but lots of time haven't a clue...really true in our case, but once I asked WITHOUT an EDGE in my voice...(took a while!!!) he was willing and GLAD...then I thanked with a little kiss...made a fuss...
Just an example of how my opwn actions turned his actions and made for a very positive interactions without resentments....
This is my very wonderful and loving and caring contribution to R....have to put the resentments aside for real R...hard to do this in the beginning but once the positive perspective takes hold loving feelings start to emerge to.....if you let them.... so I do to get this...this is why I always feel that the BS often carries the heavier burden of the R...I do believe we really have to be the bigger, better one...I am trying to be true to who I really am and let resentment go...not always easy, but once the good cycle keeps going it seems to get easier...
[This message edited by morethantrying at 5:53 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]