I didn't know I could feel such intense anger and rage towards anyone, especially my H. It has taken a long time and a ton of work to push through and R. But it is possible - I know you can't fathom that now, but it can happen.
I found out my WH cheated three years after we married and I rugswept it. Now we are dealing with this again. Your WH MUST do the heavy lifting it will take to fix what he has done if there is to be any chance of him not doing this to you again.
If you get back to the "I think we can R" phase, write down exactly what you need from him, i.e., IC, MC, etc., and give it to him. If he balks, you have your answer. Mine balked. I'm getting my ducks in a row.
I am so sorry.
My husband is also a member. SI has been a great tool for us to use. He had other waywards further in their journey for guidance, to tell him when I raged at him and called him names, it was a good thing. Indifference is bad. He would read other bs post and ask me if I felt like that, apologize for being the source of that pain. Sometimes it's nice to know you aren't on the crazy train alone!!
The rule of thumb is give it 6 months and see how you feel then. If there is still some hope to R, give it 6 more. Don't push yourself to decide. You will likely bounce from R, divorce, not giving a shit and back to R again... Sometimes in the same day. Post and read often and above all, talk to him. Tell him what you're thinking and feeling. He needs to hear it and you need to let it out.
[This message edited by Lostinthismess at 11:14 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]