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Trying to cope...

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behindhazeleyes posted 2/4/2014 19:33 PM

I took a personal day today from work, six days after my world felt like it was ending. I've been hardly able to eat or sleep, just a shell of myself... took the day to read some books and write about how I'm feeling.

Six days ago, my husband admitted to me that he has been having an affair for almost 6 months of our 18 month marriage. To say I was shocked is an understatement, as I was really thinking things were going well between us.

He is totally broken and remorseful. Every day he apologizes and tells me that this was not anything I caused in any way, that he made a huge mistake. He has done the NC thing with this girl, and tells me he's committed to NC. AT ALL.

Today he told me he found a MC. I told him I wouldn't stay if he didn't. He seems to be taking all the steps and seems to genuinely regret the way that he has crushed me.

I find myself wanting his affection. I want him to hold my hand and hug me, I want his attention. It feels so wrong to want this from him after he's wronged me so severely. I almost just want to know if I still "have it". If I can still get his attention and affection...

Is it too early to be hopeful? I feel like I'm on such a rollercoaster right now, and I'm reeling.

scarednbroken posted 2/4/2014 20:03 PM

Hi. And welcome. You have found a great place to get advice. I'm not sure I'm best qualified as I tried and he promised at the same point in my M. BUT I did not have SI to guide me...

When you say he is "taking all tr steps" does that mean full disclosure, total transparency, you have all access to everything. No secrets? If not then you are getting lip service. 17 years ago I had what I thought was "all the right promised" but whenever I did anything (even a week later) to seem like I was not 100% trusting him, he would get defensive. Now I know I was right to expect what I did--- transparent, open, understanding my pain, HE needed to win my trust and it would take however long it took, not how long he thought it should.

There will be others that have great advice. The general theme is read the healing library, eat, drink, care for yourself, and decide what you need to heal. He must provide it unconditionally.


behindhazeleyes posted 2/4/2014 20:13 PM

Anytime I question, I'm given honest answers. He always gets really upset because he knows it's killing me, but he answers... even when I don't want to hear the truth.

I'm so scared. I never in a million years thought I would be in this place.

How do you start feeling "normal" again?

StillPositive posted 2/4/2014 20:55 PM

You have come to good place to assist you in getting better one day at a time.... I've been dealing with my WS for almost 8 months... I've known for almost a year. But reality really hit in June of last year... And I'm still in great pain... It's not as bad as last year. But it's still there... Your WS has shown great remorse and he's working at helping you heal and heal himself. Take it one day at a time. Don't expect too much. Cause both of you are hurting right now... You won't be normal for a while. I've only been normal for maybe half a day since June...
Sorry, you've had to experience something this terrible!

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