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Unagie posted 2/4/2014 19:34 PM

Mods I apologize if this is seen as stealing cross forums. If so please lock or delete thread. Someone posted this snippet from an article online about romantic infidelity. I was stunned as it resonated.

From "Romantic Infidelity" http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity

You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continue living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate—someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own—is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner.

EvolvingSoul posted 2/4/2014 20:28 PM

Yeah I bookmarked this one a while ago. I had a similar reaction. Reading off point after point thinking, "check, check, check". The article goes on to say that these kinds of affairs burn themselves when there is nothing left to throw on the pyre. It was perhaps a message from my future self that enabled me to see, even through thick fog, that future moment of complete emotional ruin and the "Oh my God what have I done"-moment. So glad I chose mental health earlier rather than later.

Ascendant posted 2/4/2014 20:54 PM

Wow. I am stunned as well. That is maybe the best, most comprehensive thing that has been written on the subject (given the length, anyway).

Should be required reading when you sign up here.

This really blew me backwards:

This can be mind-blowingly seductive and confusing to the kids. Sharing the secret of one parent's affair, and hiding it from the other parent, has essentially the same emotional impact as incest.

Jrazz posted 2/4/2014 20:58 PM

The thread's ok.

ETA: This is via the Ditch-Dungeon express... aka we asked the Mods.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 9:00 PM, February 4th (Tuesday)]

Ascendant posted 2/4/2014 21:03 PM

ETA: This is via the Ditch-Dungeon express... aka we asked the Mods.

That stops at Hogwart's, right?

Ascendant posted 2/4/2014 22:21 PM

Sorry for the t/j. It really is a fantastic article.

Prayingforhope posted 2/5/2014 06:18 AM

One more wonderfully insightful piece on the long, painful road to recovery. Thanks Unagie for sharing.

obliquestrat posted 2/5/2014 11:13 AM

While everything didn't line up for my particular situation, and some of the statistical assertions seem to conflict with actual data, I found the "Romantic Infidelity" section in particular very interesting - a great lens through which a lot of problems can be viewed. Thanks for sharing it!

Ascendant posted 2/5/2014 20:44 PM

While everything didn't line up for my particular situation, and some of the statistical assertions seem to conflict with actual data, I found the "Romantic Infidelity" section in particular very interesting - a great lens through which a lot of problems can be viewed.
I tried to take it more in the vein of "based on my 30 years or working observation, these are the trends I see." and less on the idea that it was irrefutable fact. For me, SI came to mind a lot while reading it....I thought of some examples that would conflict with his thoughts, but a ton more that fell right in line.

heforgotme posted 2/6/2014 09:04 AM

I thought this was a great article. I sent it to our therapist.

Thanks for posting this.

20Hopeful16 posted 2/6/2014 09:27 AM

I wish I could get WH to read this. I wonder if he'd see as much of himself in it as I do.

TrulyReconciled posted 2/6/2014 09:37 AM

Perfect description of what happened to FWW to a 'tee.'

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