Shouldn't I be trusting him by now?
It takes a long time to feel safe. Perhaps you will never feel really safe. You pay far more attention today and now realize that the only control over your life is you living up to that famous promise, "I do". It is now up to your H to pick up himself and behave as such.
There is a difference between trust and your thing you control behind those famous last feelings.
But you can trust. You trusted by allowing him time with other men. Men need men time just like women need woman time. If he went out to a spot you know may be a threat.. then tell him, "hey you go out all you want, but that place does not make me feel safe." then let him react and pay attention. Is he behaving in ways that make you feel safe?
Can he just stop loving her because the A ended?
Yes, because love is a choice.
Words of affirmation
quality time with you
services to you and the family
If he chooses to loves you in those different ways and you see it, your feelings will change. When you give love, those things above, you have those feelings. His feelings will change about that ow too if not already.
You are going to somehow get at peace with those feelings he once had for her. They may still be with him along with all those bad feelings too.. guilt, shame. It is like the same feelings you might have with an former lover or love. He can have those about the OW because that was then and this is today. That is when you accept.
"hey, life was not fair to me. People are not always loving. I accept what happened to me. I can have memories, the are what they are. I am looking at right now, how I feel today, how I behave today, I am worthy of nothing but fair treatment and I no longer accept any bad behaviors from my H, that is not what a M is about"
Peace be with you.
[This message edited by trynhard at 6:36 AM, February 5th (Wednesday)]