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CantLoseHope posted 2/4/2014 22:28 PM

Let me start by saying I am new to this site. I am reaching out to strangers because in the past I have had the problem (a problem I have been working on for some months now) of sharing too much with close family members. My husband and I's struggles came to a head a little less then a year ago. When I say "came to a head" I am referring to infidelity on his part. Shockingly he came right out and told me hours after it happened, originally the plan was to not tell me at all according to him. I struggled with this revelation originally and had to think about what I wanted to do, and "escaped" for about a week to think it over. During which time he was wanting me to come home and saying we can fix this etc. I chose to agree with him and started counseling.... to get to the point a little faster.... During counseling (which I thought was going well) I found out that he was still seeing the woman. We both decided to separate. I left, have been gone now for almost a year. We still communicate and even though I know that I truly want to fix things, he seems to not know what he wants. There are many layers to this whole situation but I don't want to ramble.

My question is, I have heard the longer a couple is separated the less likely it is that they will reconcile. And more often then not it will end in divorce. Is this always true?

Trying to hold on..... The Insomniac

shatteredapart posted 2/5/2014 09:21 AM

{{CantLoseHope}} Unfortunately I don't have an answer for you but I want you to know you've been heard. I hope someone can answer your questions.

SorrowBhindSmile posted 2/5/2014 09:33 AM

I think its less about the separation, and has more to do with the fact that your WH was still seeing the OW and doesnt know what he wants. If he isnt working on himself....if he isnt trying to figure out WHY he did what he did....if he has no remorse...then there is not a lot you can do. If your WH wants his marriage, he will fight for it. You can fight all you want, but you both have to be in it 110 percent...open, honest, transparent. You cant do it alone.

focus on you. get strong for you. work on you...your wants, your needs.

i am so sorry for your pain. hugs to you.

CantLoseHope posted 2/5/2014 12:43 PM

SORROW, Thank you for your kind words as well as SHATTERED. I truly appreciate your kind words. According to him he has started working on himself and has been going to counseling and stopped drinking so much. He has shown remorse to me multiple times one of the times being when he stopped seeing the original OW and voiced how sorrowful he is and that he was going to start working on himself etc. Then along came the other OW who it seems has weaseled her way in..... It is very clear that my WH is vulnerable and I think the other OW saw that and etc. Sometimes I feel like theres hope other times I dont. I have been working on myself for sometime now, because as we all know theres always more to a story then when a spouse just cheats (usually anyway). I continue to take care of myself, work out more often to not only reduce stress but help my well being. I just feel so, I dont even know how to put it into words. WH and I have known eachother for almost ten years, we were best friends for many years before we started dating. I dont want to lose my best friend.

CantLoseHope posted 2/5/2014 15:22 PM

Any other advice or insight?