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Waiting for the shoe to drop

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stronger08 posted 2/5/2014 03:40 AM

Just when my NB were starting to look pretty good on the XW front things have taken a turn for the worse. After many years of bitterness and basically harassment from my XW she found herself a single BF 2 years ago. He was a good example for her and she and I started to be civil. She no longer gave me a hard time with visitations and child related matters and that for me was a god send. For the first time since the D we could coparent without any drama and arguments. I met the BF a few times and actually liked him very much. While he was 15 years her junior he actually acted mature and it rubbed off on her. He was good to my son and respected my position as a father. What more could I ask for huh ? Well it seems they have broken up and I'm waiting for the show to drop. I fear she is going to revert back to her old bitter self. I also think her old behaviors started again and that's the cause of the break up. I kind of thought this would happen as she turns 49 next month and with 50 staring her in the face her insecurities and need for external validation and attention from men would surface once again. I don't know this for a fact, but from how it was explained to me, it points in that direction. Been there, done that !!!

It kind of scares me a bit because I don't need the nastiness that comes along with her caviler attitude about fidelity. She has a thing for MM and honestly believes the bullshit they throw out. Once they get their fill of her she gets discarded like 3 day old trash. Then she becomes so irrational and bitter there is no way I can deal with her. Naturally someone needs to be blamed for her shitty existence and that's usually me. Also our son is going to be 14 this summer and is going into HS. That alone is going to be hard on the boy. Now this is going on and I fear it will take a toll on him. It sucks that she forces her BF's on my son and once he gets to liking them they are up and gone like a fart in the wind. Not to mention at his age he has an opinion on everything and will voice it. That will lead to more troubles as she cant take being told the truth. I'm hoping I am wrong in my assumptions here, but I don't think I am. I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens and pray for the best. I just hate that my son and I will most likely be the focus of her anger and resentment. Please pray for me and throw that SI MOJO my way.

SBB posted 2/5/2014 04:04 AM

The only positive about OWUmpteen in my girls lives is that he seems to still be working really hard to pretend to be a decent father around her. Better the Whore you know, IYKWIM.

I think you are borrowing trouble. I can't say I won't be doing it myself when the time comes and I too feel sick when I think of the parade of 'luuuurves' he is going to subject my children to. Not to mention modelling love addict behaviour just as his mum did to him. He will accelerate the self-destruction - not that he's not doing it now its just that it will be more obvious. Everything they've done to stave off their uncomfortable feelings will come crashing down around them and impact our children by proxy.

When the time comes I hope I can muster a bit of hope for the best, expect the worst.

Sending you as much mojo as I can muster that your prediction is incorrect. Chances are it is not - control/influence what you can, surrender to the rest.

The silver lining here is your son is soon able to choose where he spends his time. If that doesn't change her behaviour then he'll have to make a choice. Not something any of us wanted for our most precious but unfortunately these are lessons they will learn no matter what we do. It is a big bowl of suck.

But seriously, how nice would it be to be parenting with a functioning adult? Someone who can cope with life?

cmego posted 2/5/2014 06:29 AM

The older my children are becoming, the more I encourage them to tell their Dad how they feel about his behavior.

There is little you can do about her choices. You can TALK to your son, keep the communication open, and tell him it is OK to tell her how he feels.

I have to remember that what ex chooses to do is no longer my business or my problem.

"Not my circus…not my monkeys"

FaithFool posted 2/5/2014 08:49 AM

It sucks to have to batten down the hatches one more time, but you are a great dad I'm sure your son will be OK.

They are tougher than we give them credit for.

My sister emotionally abandoned my nephew when he turned 13 because she couldn't handle that phase, and she had an extremely psychotic BF at the time.

Fortunately nephew also had a fantastic grandma. He grew up and became a successful banker and put an ocean between him and his mother.

She sees him maybe twice a year now.

They pay eventually.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:50 AM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

better4me posted 2/5/2014 12:32 PM

I'll be happy to send mojo, but in this situation I think you'll make your own mojo. Take care of yourself and your son, be a safe soft place for him to land, let him know he can talk to you about anything--his thoughts, his feelings, his needs, his wants. And then just sit back. In fact, just sit back now. So much of this is out of your control...and worry isn't going to change what happens in a month or six months or a year anyway...you'll handle whatever it is you'll have to handle when the time comes.

You've done it before, you can do it again...

healingtree posted 2/8/2014 10:09 AM

You can't shape the way your teenage son is going to see his mom...that is on her.

I have teenagers, and I have watched them grow to understand the personality traits of their dad...they understand more than I thought they would.

Most important thing is giving your son the loving support he needs as your XWW goes through her roll.

"Its not about you, it is about them...you are an amazing person and this is just a small part of what is going to be an awesome life" is what I tell my kids.

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