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Turns out the OP is actually a moron

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heartbroken303 posted 2/5/2014 11:03 AM

Well, well well. Mr. Coward OP is actually a dip-shit! Sorry for the sarcasm, couldn't resist.

The fog is lifting, through all the hard work on my part, and think it's paying off. I've swallowed so much of my pride to save my marriage, do what I thought would give me the end result I want for my family and children. I am a father first, and want them to have a loving mom and dad, with a solid marriage for a good template of what they can strive for when they grow up. I didn't always act in the normal ways that a BS might be advised to. But I knew I had to man up and do it anyway, and now my WS is coming back to me, and at a rather fast rate. It was a lot of personal growth that's benefiting me and those around me. I'm taking it one step at a time, but am feeling some cautious optimism.

My WS mentioned yesterday that she's finally NC'd the coward OP and feels bad for his wife because he can be so inattentive, cold and distant. This was soon after the coward OP got mad because his wife said that I was good looking and wondered why my WS was wasting her time with him (the affair-down). My WS tells me TMI.

And then she told me that I'm being really good to her and she feels closer to me now than in months.

Looks like the grass isn't greener over there after all.

Hope the coward OP enjoys being ALONE!!! If this works, it will be a major success for me. I'll be able to look into my DD's brown eyes and know I did the right thing,, same for my other blue-eyed DD.

The thought of telling those two girls that we're splitting up because I can't take it anymore was heart-breaking to think about. I wanted to be a real man, toughen up, and do what needed to be done. Even if it was easier to throw her cheating ass out and beat the shit out of the coward OP. Maybe this was an opportunity to learn, grow, and make a marriage right that I'd been part to neglecting.

LostSamurai posted 2/5/2014 11:57 AM

Good for you. Glad you feel like you are getting where you need to be, slowly but surely.

I am trying to do what I think is right for my family. Not easy when you have to deal with the pain and turmoil.

painfulpast posted 2/5/2014 12:03 PM

The thought of telling those two girls that we're splitting up because I can't take it anymore was heart-breaking to think about.

No version of this story ends like this. If you had separated, it would NOT have been your fault, in any way. Why would you be willing to accept blame?

heartbroken303 posted 2/5/2014 12:37 PM

No version of this story ends like this. If you had separated, it would NOT have been your fault, in any way. Why would you be willing to accept blame?

By that I mean giving up too easily. At first I wanted to run away and leave everything here.

suckstobeme posted 2/5/2014 12:39 PM

Of course he's a moron. There's no question there.

I'm glad you are treading lightly, and I know that this is not supposed to be the true gist of your post, but I wanted to sort of add to the comments made by painfulpast.

HB303, this is not your fault. Anyone who has been in a long-term marriage/relationship knows that it's hard. People take advantage of their partners; we get tired; we get cranky; we are way past that "wooing" stage so we get comfortable. It happens to everyone. In other words, we all neglect the marriage at some point in the journey. I'm sure your WW was not cooking five star meals and rocking the black lengerie every night either. It's just how it goes.

So, my question is, why do you accept any blame for her conscious choice to cheat when you were living in that same hum drum marriage but you didn't make that same hurtful, destructive, selfish choice?

Gently, you've said you've done a lot of work over the past several months to win her back. I'm concerned that you are doing all of the work and your WW is doing none. She just finally stopped contact with the AP now, yet you've been showering her with attention for months?

I know you realize that this is not the way most BS act. I know you say you did this all to man up and save your family. What I'm concerned about - and please know that this is coming from a place of concern - is that you are not seeing the issues behind her choice to cheat. I'm more concerned that she's not being forced to see the real issues behind her choice. Without that, how can there be a healed marriage? Sure, she can call him names and tell you that he wasn't a very attentive AP, but those are just words, likely designed to make you feel better and throw you off the trail of the true reason why, if he was such an ass, she had an A with him.

You are NOT any less of a man because your wife chose to cheat. Even if she ended up with AP or you decided to end the marriage, you wouldn't be any less of a man. I ended my marriage and my exwh ended up with that slunt. At first, I saw it as a competition and I did think I was less than because she "won" what was mine. Now, with a lot of time, distance and therapy, I see that this was never a competition. I wasn't even in the race. He picked someone low enough to accept his dirty, filthy behavior because he knew I wouldn't. I'm not less of a woman or was I a poor wife because of his choices.

Don't define yourself or your family by her. If this is all too much for you one day or she decides to do it again, it's okay for you to say enough is enough. Your DDs won't blame you and you should never blame yourself.

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