Of course he's a moron. There's no question there.
I'm glad you are treading lightly, and I know that this is not supposed to be the true gist of your post, but I wanted to sort of add to the comments made by painfulpast.
HB303, this is not your fault. Anyone who has been in a long-term marriage/relationship knows that it's hard. People take advantage of their partners; we get tired; we get cranky; we are way past that "wooing" stage so we get comfortable. It happens to everyone. In other words, we all neglect the marriage at some point in the journey. I'm sure your WW was not cooking five star meals and rocking the black lengerie every night either. It's just how it goes.
So, my question is, why do you accept any blame for her conscious choice to cheat when you were living in that same hum drum marriage but you didn't make that same hurtful, destructive, selfish choice?
Gently, you've said you've done a lot of work over the past several months to win her back. I'm concerned that you are doing all of the work and your WW is doing none. She just finally stopped contact with the AP now, yet you've been showering her with attention for months?
I know you realize that this is not the way most BS act. I know you say you did this all to man up and save your family. What I'm concerned about - and please know that this is coming from a place of concern - is that you are not seeing the issues behind her choice to cheat. I'm more concerned that she's not being forced to see the real issues behind her choice. Without that, how can there be a healed marriage? Sure, she can call him names and tell you that he wasn't a very attentive AP, but those are just words, likely designed to make you feel better and throw you off the trail of the true reason why, if he was such an ass, she had an A with him.
You are NOT any less of a man because your wife chose to cheat. Even if she ended up with AP or you decided to end the marriage, you wouldn't be any less of a man. I ended my marriage and my exwh ended up with that slunt. At first, I saw it as a competition and I did think I was less than because she "won" what was mine. Now, with a lot of time, distance and therapy, I see that this was never a competition. I wasn't even in the race. He picked someone low enough to accept his dirty, filthy behavior because he knew I wouldn't. I'm not less of a woman or was I a poor wife because of his choices.
Don't define yourself or your family by her. If this is all too much for you one day or she decides to do it again, it's okay for you to say enough is enough. Your DDs won't blame you and you should never blame yourself.