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User Topic: Does this sound like he woke up? WS welcome
deena04
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night, after much anguish, I laid it out that I really don't know if I can go on. I think he had felt that we would recover for sure. I go back and forth and he has been trying, but I wasn't sure it was enough. I struggle with the whys and trusting him. When I told him this, he got ill and cried and sunk into a depressed state. He said he was losing his motivation to even get up. With tear filled eyes, he asked if I want to stay or leave. He hadn't realized my fight was basically gone. Did this finally sink in or what?


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Dec 2013
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard to say. It may be a start.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Rebreather
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will tell if he finally got it when his actions are enough for you. Sorry I can't give a more perfect benchmark, but when the actions start really being there, you'll feel it.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6646 | Registered: Jan 2011
Morhurt
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H got "depressed" about two months in, he still hadn't really gotten it, I think he was in part feeling sorry for himself. It wasn't true depression and only lasted a few days (until I kicked him onto the couch and he read some responses to my SI post on the matter). It's a process, a long and slow process, hopefully this is a step in the right direction but I doubt it's a final "A-HA" moment.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 960 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
deena04
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So was he in a fog? Or had he just not fully understood ? He has given me transparency and been great, but it was me holding back. I am so confused. Was it false R or just steps in the process? Sorry scatter brain here.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Dec 2013
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, February 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You actually don't hear a WS wake up.

You see it.

Consistent, repetetive, supporting, loving, working actions.

It takes a long time to know and see the truth.

It doesn't happen over a conversation.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 6

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