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whywhywhywhy posted 2/5/2014 12:09 PM

Hey everyone, just wanted to say for the first time since Sept 1st i think i am having a good couple of days (knock on wood). I didnt have the traditional "d-day" like most of you had. My wh told me he simply wasnt happy on August 18 and left for good Sept 1. We had been married 23 years nearly and have 2 girls, one now 20 and one 15.

I thought he was always a good dad (great actually) and was more concerned about the reprucussions of my girls missing their dad. I communicated with him,,,also begged and pleaded with him to go to counselling, try again, whatever. It made no sense to me and was out of the blue. Did we have problems? Yes, but nothing i thought we couldnt fix. He flatly denied any other woman...he just wanted to be happy and find himself.

Ill skip all the nonsense but as it happens, the truth tends to come out. Right up until november he was still denying any other woman or that he was interested in any woman. I was still asking him for counselling and he said he would think about it.

Well, he had another woman. He had had her for a while. He had had many affairs, been with prostitutes, escorts, neighbours, the baseball coach, friends' wives and the list goes on. What a blind bat i was. I really didnt know. He had been lying, gaslighting and making me feel bad for ever asking questions and so i stopped and i trusted him. After leaving me and his two kids (one of which stopped going to school and is now on anti anxiety and depression medication), he went on two vacations with the OW and lied to everyone saying it was business.

In December, 15 year old daughter was seeing him for the odd overnight and somehow seemed to be getting more depressed. Said her pills were not working. I stupidly thought that she was missing her dad and maybe wanted to spend more time with him but she was strangely tight lipped.

Three weeks ago on one of his only overnights with her she texted her older sister, hysterical to come and get her. She did. The truth came out that stupid WH had introduced emotionally fragile15y.o to new girlfriend weeks before forcing her to keep it a secret from everyone including me and her older sister. OW had taken her to starbucks, bought her christmas present all with the stipulation that she keep it all a secret.

So the night three weeks ago, wh and ow decided to have sex SO LOUDLY that my daughter could hear the whole thing. Panicked and called for a drive home. WH didnt even know she had left from the house. My oldest daughter went inside and let him have it.

It has all come out now that both of my kids have knows for years (at least 6) that he has been cheating with various people. He knew that my oldest daughter knew but not the youngest. They have both kept the secret for so long but with the help of counselling everything has been tumbling out.

On top of that, my STI tests showed HEP B and am waiting to get into a specialist. I was a virgin when i met and married him and supposedly he was too.

So this guy that i thought was super dad, threw his own kids under the bus, essentially screwing them up in order to keep his secrets. He cheated countless times and likely never even had the respect or common sense to use protection.He barely sees his kids now (never the older one and rarely the younger). When my youngest does think she wants to see him for dinner i drive her there and pick her up an hour later.

So...why this long post? Just wanted to say thank you. Although i dont post much i do read on here daily and get comfort in all the advice. Through all the BS (meaning bull sh!t) that has rocked my world since September i have had a couple of good days.

I have a few close friends that put up with my drama. I have an amazing family (5 brothers and sisters and their families) that pray for my girls and give us advice and help. I have a strong faith that i am getting back to AND i have an amazing counsellor that is working with both myself and my girls. I have a job that i am good at that pays the bills and a lawyer that helped me to be able to keep my house as the sole owner!

AND I have this site that has helped me implement the 180 in full. Not to get him back (Lord no) but to help myself heal and stand up for myself.

Who knows what secret/lie/nonsense might come out of nowhere and hit me in the face tomorrow but as for today, i am feeling thankful and it is a good day!

Thank you :)

norabird posted 2/5/2014 13:24 PM

I am so glad you are out of that mess and taking care of yourself!!

yearsofpain25 posted 2/5/2014 13:40 PM

Speechless after reading that story. I'm happy to hear you and your girls are progressing out of that nightmare. And thanks for sharing that you are having a good couple of days. That's great!

megs56 posted 2/5/2014 13:44 PM

Thank you for sharing. I am so happy to hear that you have had a few great days. That's wonderful news. You sound so strong. I wish the best for you and your daughters. :)

(((why))))

obliquestrat posted 2/5/2014 14:42 PM

You sound so unbelievably strong. Here's to many more good days!

Pass posted 2/5/2014 20:25 PM

You should be proud of how you're handling this, Whywhy. Your WH is an arsehole to use your kids like that!

kellys2014 posted 2/5/2014 22:32 PM

Wow. There is no end to the selfishness of some wayward spouses and APs. I'd like to look this guy up and slap him, on your behalf. I hope you and your girls rebuild a beautiful life together without this evil person.