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I don't get this feeling

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OneBrokenGirl posted 2/5/2014 13:08 PM

Something has changed. I know I've changed but I feel he is different towards me. He's doing and saying all the right things but my gut is telling me something is wrong.

We are trying to R but I feel like he is not as affectionate as he was prior to his affair. He'd always liked to cuddle at night... but I didn't. Now everything is reversed. I feel like I'm the one always reaching for him and being more affectionate. And when I get like this the doubts come rushing in.

[This message edited by OneBrokenGirl at 1:10 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

obliquestrat posted 2/5/2014 15:04 PM

For what it's worth, I'd pursue it if I felt the same.

If you're right, you gained some valuable information, and can use it appropriately.

If you're wrong, you can recalibrate your Spidey-sense.

If you can't figure out if you're right or wrong, you can work on transparency and tracking, which a remorseful WS should welcome.

JustShine posted 2/5/2014 15:33 PM

((((OBG)))) This is how I felt for weeks. He seemed to be technically doing everything right and making progress. But I just didn't feel it.

In my case, my feelings were correct, and it turns out we were in false R for 3 months. I hope to goodness that this isn't the case for you guys. But I wouldn't discount your feelings. You know that you can trust your gut more than your WS at this point.

And if you're off base, discussing it openly and clearly with him could help him see what he can do to give the assurances you need. Maybe he's just feeling intense guilt and shame that makes it hard to be affectionate? Maybe if he knows it's affecting you he can work on it?

But he really needs to be reaching out to you at this point. Not only the other way around.

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