If it's reinforced within a group of friends, it may look like the norm, and 'recruiting' is heavy duty so that the abnormal-ness seems normal.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Or, is this some new title that I am unaware of? In which case, I'm a bunny boiler too. heheh
Nobody in my circle of friends smokes, let alone does any illegal drugs. I would not have that in my life.
I have let my H know that he now needs to tell me every time he smokes. I want to know what I am dealing with. I also let him know that I wish he wanted more for himself. The last time he did was Jan.2nd. He declined a superbowl party where there would be pot.
Our son just made a poster about not doing drugs. I told my H - one day he is going to ask you if you do it and you will need to be honest with him.
Hugs to you Amber13. Set some boundaries and make them clear. No wiggle room! Your kids are watching.
[This message edited by LA44 at 2:48 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]
However this is not the norm, and although Weed has become incredibly popular again, it should not be consumed on a regular basis, just like alcohol in large quantities shouldn't be.
If you want to be successful and productive, and healthy you cannot be a part of that group, at least not for very long.
ETA: In my profession even being associated with illegal drug activity puts my career and license at risk. I would not only have to eliminate it from my life, but put distance between it.
OH agrees he has an addiction and it is not the perfect situation, but he compares it to myself taking anti-depressants, or wine at the weekend.
Yah sorry no. A glass or two of wine on the weekend does not = an addiction. Pot does not = antidepressants. In fact it is the opposite, it is a depressive agent. So is alcohol. Often when we choose to "self medicate" we choose things that lessen our symptoms promptly. However it usually is not what we need.
You need to put your foot down on this one. Addictive behavior will continue until he is forced to realize the damage it is causing. I would suggest you attend an Al-Anon meeting or two get a good understand of enabling behaviors on your part. It will help you to be strong in your stance.
[This message edited by tushnurse at 2:51 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]
I also believe prescription drugs are over prescribed, thanks in part to tv ads pushing them so hard.
I do not want my children being affected by this. He insists that they wont be, they will be educated appropriately
[This message edited by StillLivin at 3:58 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]
If he's doing drugs, he needs to be out of the house. You do not want to have to go petition the court to try to get your children back and answer questions about how you knew that they were all doing it and took no steps to safeguard your children. This is harsh and it's meant to be. If you have to ask if taking drugs is a normal part of life, then you probably need to know what it means being involved in that lifestyle, no matter if you partake or not now, child custody-wise.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I have no idea what the bunny boiler movie is, it is a term that his friends use to describe a girlfriend that is crazy.
That is not exactly what a bunny boiler is. I think you should know what the term is so that you can tell them all to piss off if they call you that again.
It was based on a movie where the husband was having an affair and he decided to end it. The OW (not the wife) went nuts when he did that and his life became a living hell because she was insane. At one point, she left a bunny boiling on the stove in his home.
This has nothing to do with you just because you will not do drugs. In my world there is only one word for you - smart.
[This message edited by cissi at 5:05 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]
It's NOT normal. If your home got raided and they found drugs you would lose your kids. If he had the kids and was ever pulled over and they found drugs on him, you run a serious risk of losing your kids. If you got pulled over and they found drugs in your car, you would lose your kids.
See where this is going? It's his choice to be involved in drugs. It's your choice to distance yourself from that, leave him and leave the drugs.
For custody, you need to get an attorney. Make sure drug testing is MANDATORY and try to get supervised visitation.
The truth is that people like you describe always end up in jail, dead, or screwed up and broke for life. Addiction draws you away from life.
Sure, the stuff is out there. It can make you feel good for a few minutes or hours, then leave you with years and years of anguish, despair, and misery.
Being clean may not be easy in the circles you've found yourself in, but its necessary to establish any long-term positive outcome.
That said--even if it's legal in your state, it's a problem in your relationship if you think it is. Just like with alcohol. A spouse needn't be "addicted"" or an alcoholic for alcohol to be causing relationship problems. Ditto to video games, etc.
If it's a problem for you, then your spouse should be open to listening. If he's not, then that is telling you something about his priorities. You need to define your priorities and act accordingly.
Please. How old are these people? They seem too high to be able to use the term "bunny boiler" correctly and are aware of its origin.
I do indulge in MJ maybe four times a year, nothing else.
Cocaine? X? Really? Comparing these to anti-d's? Absolutely ridiculous. Ack.
Do not let these imbeciles question what you know is right. Get rid of them. Sooner or later, they will end up in jail for possession or driving while impaired.
His AP: 24, former family friend and babysitter
Married 11 1/2 yrs
D-Day: 2/1/2014 3 month PA, 24 months sexting
My Affair/OC: 2015
Status: trying to pick up the pieces.
Most work places can and will do random drug screens. They can fire you if you fail, even in pot legal states. Your H and friends sound very immature and reckless. Make sure your children are not around when he is under the influence, especially while driving. In our state drug use in the home can result in removal of children by social services.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
Like alcohol, drugs lead to very poor decision making. That he is surrounding himself with like-minded people is an indication of an increasing rapid descent into a very dark world. I will be amazed if we don't here from you in the near future about his overdose or his struggles with addiction.
I never thought my fWW's affair was a dealbreaker. If she started acting like your husband, she'd come home from work on day to find me and the kids gone, the house empty but for a restaining order taped to the front door and no forwarding address.
This will be a crash your children do not need to see.
Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot