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Is drug taking normal?

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Amber13 posted 2/5/2014 13:57 PM

Is drug taking normal? I am at a crossroads in my life. My OH takes drugs, I do not. We have been together 8 years and have 2 children together. I constantly feel like I am second best to cannabis. It rules our lives.
What makes matters worse is that my OH has surrounded himself with people who take drugs on a daily basis, who all think this is normal. They think nothing of taking ampethamines, cocaine or ecstacy at the weekend. I'm not saying I'm a saint, when I was a teenager I dabbled and made mistakes. But when I had children I stopped. They are my priority. To make sure they have a stable happy upbringing. My OH friends think I'm a "bunny boiler" because I do not like him taking drugs.
I feel like he has two lives that are not compatible at all.
I do not want my children being affected by this. He insists that they wont be, they will be educated appropriately.
I feel like I'm being pressured into believing this is normal. OH agrees he has an addiction and it is not the perfect situation, but he compares it to myself taking anti-depressants, or wine at the weekend. I don't know what to do.
I guess I just want to see everybodies reactions. Am I going against the tide? How common is this? Help.

Merlin posted 2/5/2014 14:03 PM

Not very common at all.

If it's reinforced within a group of friends, it may look like the norm, and 'recruiting' is heavy duty so that the abnormal-ness seems normal.

cissi posted 2/5/2014 14:28 PM

I don't understand how his friends think of you as a "bunny boiler" because you are not into drugs. Have any of them actually seen that movie to know what that is?

Or, is this some new title that I am unaware of? In which case, I'm a bunny boiler too. heheh

Rebreather posted 2/5/2014 14:32 PM

How old are these people?

Nobody in my circle of friends smokes, let alone does any illegal drugs. I would not have that in my life.

Amber13 posted 2/5/2014 14:45 PM

I am 25 and my OH is 31. I have no idea what the bunny boiler movie is, it is a term that his friends use to describe a girlfriend that is crazy.
None of my friends take drugs, but I don't have a lot of close friends. He seems to have a lot of close friends who all take drugs! I feel like I'm being dragged into a lifestyle I don't want to be in, and don't know how to get out of it.
Thanks for you replies.

LA44 posted 2/5/2014 14:47 PM

There is no coke or pills but I can only tell you that many - I would say most of my girlfriends growing up - their H's smoke pot. My H smokes pot. And his friends smoke pot. I think its out of control.

I have let my H know that he now needs to tell me every time he smokes. I want to know what I am dealing with. I also let him know that I wish he wanted more for himself. The last time he did was Jan.2nd. He declined a superbowl party where there would be pot.

Our son just made a poster about not doing drugs. I told my H - one day he is going to ask you if you do it and you will need to be honest with him.

Hugs to you Amber13. Set some boundaries and make them clear. No wiggle room! Your kids are watching.

[This message edited by LA44 at 2:48 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

tushnurse posted 2/5/2014 14:49 PM

Amber - There are certain groups in our society that are so entrenched in this lifestyle that they do believe it is totally normal to smoke weed, take a snort of powder, and even pop a pill with not know what the effect will be.

However this is not the norm, and although Weed has become incredibly popular again, it should not be consumed on a regular basis, just like alcohol in large quantities shouldn't be.

If you want to be successful and productive, and healthy you cannot be a part of that group, at least not for very long.

ETA: In my profession even being associated with illegal drug activity puts my career and license at risk. I would not only have to eliminate it from my life, but put distance between it.

OH agrees he has an addiction and it is not the perfect situation, but he compares it to myself taking anti-depressants, or wine at the weekend.

Yah sorry no. A glass or two of wine on the weekend does not = an addiction. Pot does not = antidepressants. In fact it is the opposite, it is a depressive agent. So is alcohol. Often when we choose to "self medicate" we choose things that lessen our symptoms promptly. However it usually is not what we need.

You need to put your foot down on this one. Addictive behavior will continue until he is forced to realize the damage it is causing. I would suggest you attend an Al-Anon meeting or two get a good understand of enabling behaviors on your part. It will help you to be strong in your stance.

[This message edited by tushnurse at 2:51 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

Bobbi_sue posted 2/5/2014 15:26 PM

In my little world, smoking weed and taking other illegal drugs is most definitely not "normal." I have often said (and I mean it) I would D my H faster for excessive alcohol or drug abuse even faster than for cheating. I have no tolerance for it.

I also believe prescription drugs are over prescribed, thanks in part to tv ads pushing them so hard.

StillLivin posted 2/5/2014 15:57 PM

I'm with Bobbi_sue.
No drugs in me or in my life by choice, ever.

I do not want my children being affected by this. He insists that they wont be, they will be educated appropriately

I grew up watching my stupid stepfather getting high. Two times he tried to rape me after getting high. His pervert friends tried to grope me and ogle me. Nasty fuckers.
When drugs come into play, the only way you can protect your children is to keep the drugs and the people away from them.
You cannot control him or his friends or how they will act around your kids. If you really want to keep them safe, keep them away from your H until he is clean and into counseling and a addict program. And if he tries to tell you he isn't an addict, then tell him to quit and never touch that shit again.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 3:58 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

Skan posted 2/5/2014 16:42 PM

Living like your WH and his druggie friends want to is abnormal and, when, not if, they are busted, its very likely that your house will be searched and probable that your children may be taken away by child protective services. What they are doing is ILLEGAL and I can assure you, that law enforcement takes having children around drug activity very, very seriously.

If he's doing drugs, he needs to be out of the house. You do not want to have to go petition the court to try to get your children back and answer questions about how you knew that they were all doing it and took no steps to safeguard your children. This is harsh and it's meant to be. If you have to ask if taking drugs is a normal part of life, then you probably need to know what it means being involved in that lifestyle, no matter if you partake or not now, child custody-wise.

cissi posted 2/5/2014 17:04 PM

I have no idea what the bunny boiler movie is, it is a term that his friends use to describe a girlfriend that is crazy.

That is not exactly what a bunny boiler is. I think you should know what the term is so that you can tell them all to piss off if they call you that again.

It was based on a movie where the husband was having an affair and he decided to end it. The OW (not the wife) went nuts when he did that and his life became a living hell because she was insane. At one point, she left a bunny boiling on the stove in his home.

This has nothing to do with you just because you will not do drugs. In my world there is only one word for you - smart.

[This message edited by cissi at 5:05 PM, February 5th (Wednesday)]

Mousse242 posted 2/5/2014 18:15 PM

Nobody in my circle of friends smokes, let alone does any illegal drugs. I would not have that in my life.

It's NOT normal. If your home got raided and they found drugs you would lose your kids. If he had the kids and was ever pulled over and they found drugs on him, you run a serious risk of losing your kids. If you got pulled over and they found drugs in your car, you would lose your kids.

See where this is going? It's his choice to be involved in drugs. It's your choice to distance yourself from that, leave him and leave the drugs.

For custody, you need to get an attorney. Make sure drug testing is MANDATORY and try to get supervised visitation.

Justgreatnews posted 2/5/2014 19:04 PM


The truth is that people like you describe always end up in jail, dead, or screwed up and broke for life. Addiction draws you away from life.

Sure, the stuff is out there. It can make you feel good for a few minutes or hours, then leave you with years and years of anguish, despair, and misery.

Being clean may not be easy in the circles you've found yourself in, but its necessary to establish any long-term positive outcome.

SpotlessMind posted 2/5/2014 19:07 PM

I think different people will tell you different things. And like it or not, our country seems to be moving toward a place of acceptance re: recreational use of marijuana. It's already legal in two states.

That said--even if it's legal in your state, it's a problem in your relationship if you think it is. Just like with alcohol. A spouse needn't be "addicted"" or an alcoholic for alcohol to be causing relationship problems. Ditto to video games, etc.

If it's a problem for you, then your spouse should be open to listening. If he's not, then that is telling you something about his priorities. You need to define your priorities and act accordingly.

clralb posted 2/5/2014 19:08 PM

No, it is not normal.

Please. How old are these people? They seem too high to be able to use the term "bunny boiler" correctly and are aware of its origin.

I do indulge in MJ maybe four times a year, nothing else.

Cocaine? X? Really? Comparing these to anti-d's? Absolutely ridiculous. Ack.

Do not let these imbeciles question what you know is right. Get rid of them. Sooner or later, they will end up in jail for possession or driving while impaired.

kellys2014 posted 2/5/2014 22:39 PM

I guess I'm old fashioned, but I think once you become a parent, recreational drug use should stop or become rare. And only when the kids aren't around, obviously. Kinda seems like parenting 101 to me. People who want to keep partying probably should wait a while to have kids.

Want2help posted 2/5/2014 23:27 PM

I'm 30. No, this is NOT normal in most social circles.

Lovedyoumore posted 2/5/2014 23:57 PM

Put me in the fuddy duddy group. I have no friends who do any recreational drugs. They do very little alcohol and all have quit smoking. We grew up in the 60's and 70's. Our friends put all that away after college and started jobs and families. The only person I know that kept up the drug lifestyle died several years ago.

Most work places can and will do random drug screens. They can fire you if you fail, even in pot legal states. Your H and friends sound very immature and reckless. Make sure your children are not around when he is under the influence, especially while driving. In our state drug use in the home can result in removal of children by social services.

Ostrich80 posted 2/6/2014 04:10 AM

It was normal in our group.of friends when we were early 20s. When.I became pregnant I wanted it to stop. My ws was not one that could recreationally dabble, he was balls to the walls. I moved out when he started bringing the party home and I had an infant. He went to rehab then we R and chose different friends.I didn't want a bunch.of drunk coke snortin fools in my house with kids, my husband being the #1 fool. It's not the norm for us now. Our friend's these days drink ice tea

Twitchy posted 2/6/2014 06:39 AM

So Not Normal. In fact, this is a huge issue.

Like alcohol, drugs lead to very poor decision making. That he is surrounding himself with like-minded people is an indication of an increasing rapid descent into a very dark world. I will be amazed if we don't here from you in the near future about his overdose or his struggles with addiction.

I never thought my fWW's affair was a dealbreaker. If she started acting like your husband, she'd come home from work on day to find me and the kids gone, the house empty but for a restaining order taped to the front door and no forwarding address.

This will be a crash your children do not need to see.

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